My father’s existance summarizes how my life has been for me in a metaphorical term. Emotional blackmail.
My father calls me 24 times a day sometimes more for very trivial things. I do them. If i don’t I know what will happen.
Trash, yard, clean, glass of water, make my food, find my shoes, shave my beard, find my clothes, mow the lawn, water the grass, find my glasses, where’s my tooth brush, let’s get groceries. You go in the store I’ll stay outside (he talks on the phone to some woman i don’t know) Oh i didn’t give you enough money? How much is the water? I’ll get a plumber next week. The week after, Maybe next month, I’ll fix the leak next monthj, Next year. You want to go where?? You’re lazy you don’t do anything, you sit around and eat (irony).
Then he calls my mom every time he sees her come down the stairs. Cook this, bring my insulin, call my medicine in. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? I DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE. I need money for food. I ALWAYS pay for stuff around here. I said I’ll get it fixed next month (we don’t have a working shower at the moment)
This is some of it. But you may wonder what’s the point?
Well it’s like this. He calls us all day (just like life throws shitty cards) and Then one day you say you’ve had enough and Then he goes out somewhere and when he comes back he’ll say “Oh well if you had came when I called you would have came with me.” He says it in a condescending tone. He tries to instill guilt because you stop listening to him one time. ONE time and suddenly it’s your fault.
Life. It throws so much shit at you till you hit the end of your life. So one day you say you’ve had enough. And suddenly something good happens. Just like my father it’s an insidious laugh in the face.
I was numb and productive and suddenly now I’m angry and sadly filled with guilt. Knowing and accepting doesn’t make it any better and neither does meditating and recenter. Now I have to find a way to go back into the recesses of my mind to hide away from this life that Laughs at you. Existance? There is no point.
4 comments
I feel for you, really I do. It breaks my heart whenever I go to visit my 11 year old brother and I see that he gets the same cinderalla treatment from my mother as I did when I was his age. Calls you to her lair to bring her the remote, bring her dirty dishes to the kitchen, always yelling for someone to answer the phone.
My older brother was treated like this before my parents adopted me. The thing is my mom was in on it and my dad..well I didn’t notice if he was like this then or not. I was still young then though. He had places to go though. To get away from all this stuff for a short time. When i grew up there were barely kids to at all to play with and none I could visit if things get bad. Now I’m an adult and suddely there are children flooding my street. It’s all just a big laugh in my face. I guess I’ll get through it but it’s another lesson I’ve learned and it’s there must not be a real point these days. Thanks for sharing.
Just bear in mind, all your dad’s negativity is all about him…ya, you have to hear it and it may not feel good. Just hold up an imaginary mirror so he can see his own reflection. Good luck!
Well he tried to attack me yesterday. I know why, however it opened my mom’s eyes to the truth that he’s not in the right state of mind any more. They’re elder and my father has shown progressive signs of dementia. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong and that’s what’s always scared me. I didn’t hit him. Oh i could have, but knowing he can’t get off the floor without my help I decided I’d best not. The situation is resolved (not in a literal sense), and now I just pray he’s allowed to die soon so his suffering can end. No matter what’s done to me I just cannot bring myself to anger for long. And in the end I feel nothing but sadness. Living till your old is something I realize I don’t want to do. Especially if I end up like him. He more subtle with the emotional stuff when I was younger, but as this has taken him over he speaks with no regret and doesn’t recognize he’s paining others. I appreciate the replies I’m going to go back into the shadows like I’ve always done and continue to work subtly on a way to freedom.