I pop on most days to work on a project, or to write a reply. Some days I’ll just read quietly. I speak up when I have something to share but I realize my voice just like before doesn’t mean much.
When I was younger I was a listener and I was forced to be a talker. To be a talker to make myself clear and to stop assumptions about me.
A phrase rings through my head “You can’t be a hero” at 12 years old my father did everything to crush my hopes. I did little things, I donated a little money, I held open the door for someone behind me and used my manners.
“Don’t be a hero” Who was I saving? I thought this in my head as I cried. All I was doing was what I felt was right. But right or wrong don’t really exist. I used to volunteer also. I never felt that “greateness” everyone claims, I was doing what I was supposed to do. I made sandwiches with my class for the homeless, I helped serve thanksgiving dinner at a shelter in the south, and I donated my time to sorting clothes at thrift stores. Clothes that were haphazardly thrown to us wet and musty at times. We didn’t have a dryer in the facility so they had to be thrown out.
“Don’t be a hero” I think on it now and I’m crying. I had reached the point wondering what’s the point of doing all this? I no longer do. The thought to do it again crossed my mind but it’ll mean little to nothing now-a-days.
I used to stand up for the bullied because no one really did the same for me. I helped teach one to speak up to be heard, because no one really gave me that. I tell stories to help heal sadness. Stories of real experience not just 100% fantasy. I did what I could to inspire when I wasn’t really inspired, I wrote in courage even though I don’t have much myself.
“Don’t be a hero”
So I’m just “here”
8 comments
There is a famous story about helping people:
A man was walking along a deserted beach at sunset. As he walked he could see a young boy in the distance, as he drew nearer he noticed that the boy kept bending down, picking something up and throwing it into the water.
Time and again he kept hurling things into the ocean.
As the man approached even closer, he was able to see that the boy was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach and, one at a time he was throwing them back into the water.
The man asked the boy what he was doing, the boy replied,”I am throwing these washed up starfish back into the ocean, or else they will die through lack of oxygen. “But”, said the man, “You can’t possibly save them all, there are thousands on this beach, and this must be happening on hundreds of beaches along the coast. You can’t possibly make a difference.”
The boy looked down, frowning for a moment; then bent down to pick up another starfish, smiling as he threw it back into the sea. He replied,
“I made a huge difference to that one!”
(Unknown author by the way)
I think this story is wonderful and conveys the message perfectly. I think there is right and wrong in a way. It’s right to help an old lady carry her bags home and it’s wrong to steal the bags from her. It’s right to throw the starfishes back to the sea and it’s wrong to stand at the side and do nothing.
I too, like you, don’t feel something other people called “greatness”. I,like you, do what I think is right, and I stand against what I think is wrong. The fact that I am writing this comment is a part of it. I think it’s right to listen to people, to try to help if I can…
I, like you, feel horrible myself… beyond horrible. Yet I still try my best to help all those I can. I try to cause as little damage to others as I can during my life and I try to help others avoid pain or damage. This notion is the thing that is keeping me alive.
By committing suicide I will cause unbearable pain to those around me who love me, so I endure my own pain and hope that something will change. I don’t know if or when I’ll break, but right now I do my best to, at the very least, not harm those around me.
I think that what you did was noble, I think what you did was right. I wish you wouldn’t give up on your actions even though sometimes they might be taxing.
Even though you might not feel it yourself, your voice does mean something. It means a lot, sometimes it might mean the world to some people (Or other beings for example helping starfishes).
Your old man told you “Don’t be a hero” well I call you to be a hero, as much as you can, because it might help others and yourself. Being a “hero” gives me some sort of a mild purpose to my life, perhaps it will give something, even just a bit, to you as well.
I hope you feel better, Oak.
And… As usual this site marked my comment as spam. You could go read my comment in the spam section of the comments if you’d like. I hope that you would.
Oak
Don’t let those words break you anymore than they already have. It’s clear that you’ve been doing all these wonderful things purely for the sake of being the good hearted person you are and not due to any ridiculous notions of heroism. Truth is that everyone’s just here, even the heroes. We are all ‘just here’ but that doesn’t mean that your kindness and helpfulness and care for the world and others is unnecessary at all. Everything matters, no matter how pointless it seems. You are a hero purely for caring and for trying, but breaking like it seems you have now doesn’t make you any less of a hero, it just makes you human. We are all human and we are all ‘just here’ but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue to make the best possible use of your time here, wherever the hell ‘here’ actually is. Do your hardest to continue doing the incredible kind acts you’ve always done, because the world needs more people like you. You are a hero and you are just here, the two can go together.
It’s not a feeling of greatness Unfortunatly.
But deep inside of you there beats a heart of something More.
Let it out, reclaim your connection to the needs of others.
Let no one keep you from becoming the person you know you wish to be.
Peace
I’m going to reply better after i take care of things on my end but I wanted to mention @ Oak that the Site’s spam filter seems to be overactive. The only way for your comment to be seen in a particular post is if that person goes to the spam section, select Not Spam and then go into the Pending section and select Approve on your post. I know alot of people are still learning how this site works, so I hope i shed some light for others. I want to say thank you both for your comments, but I’m going to reply abit better when I’m not so distracted.
The sad part is, when you’re gone, even the “heros” you will be forgotten, just another pawn in this manipulative society. I liek how you’re a pure, good person who wwants to do good, but there are millions like you out there, millions who also make a huge difference, individually, you know you’re doing good, people praise you slightly but in the end, everybody, you, me and millions out there are just pawns.
Sometimes all it takes is one person to make a difference.
Thanks for helping out the world
Thank you Oak for sharing that story . That little boy is really how I used to be before reality kind of set in. I still do smaller things. I still use manners, hold doors, help someone whenever I may be if they ask for it. I for a time kept up lots next door to me when they overgrew. I’ve done what I can and slowly my body is telling me what I cannot. My hips hurt when I do a lot of standing, or walking which is why though I think about volunteering I know I’m not able as I once was. I appreciate everyone’s words and Nicole I do understand yours. I have those thoughts run by often. It happens no doubt. but just sometimes I wish the people in the background are remebered for supplying ideas, motivation, hope and whatever else they might have done for the shining star. I am content with being the wind beneath a persons wings. Just know that sometimes the wind needs a gust to help keep the bird flying.