God I was feeling so good yesterday, and now it’s back to not being able to concentrate and having panic attacks non stop.
I’ll start at the beginning. A few months ago, my mum started getting really sick. At first she refused to admit it (she is a very proud person, and I guess I inherited it from her), but she eventually went to the doctor. Over the next couple of months, the doctor (and others he had brought in) couldn’t figure out if it was cancer or something less serious and therefore to this day haven’t diagnosed it. During this time, both my brother and I have started working (she’s still working, but she’s at the hospital a lot so yeah) and I’ve started looking after the home and my sister more, but cracks are just showing everywhere. Â My father is stressing out and finding it hard to cope (which is horrible because he has epilepsy and stress is a main cause for fits), my sister is playing up in school and my anxiety is just getting worse.
For a while, mum started getting better and obviously we all felt better, but then she relapsed or something and is now worse than ever. She refuses to let me pay for a trip out of town to see the best doctor in the country or even to bring him here, and I really don’t want to go behind her back, but I’m just so scared. Up until today I just tried telling myself that the doctors will know soon and that it’s not too serious, but I just can’t do it anymore! I just wish I knew what was wrong. I mean obviously I don’t want it to be serious, but at least we could try to cure it if we knew what it was.
And now the one person I feel like truly understood me and what I have been through has gone to live with his dad overseas. He was really helping me through everything and now I just feel like it’s just all gone. I just need a distraction. From this, from my past, from everything!
CPC
7 comments
I know how that feels… One of my friends that i consider family had brest cancer. She had to get chemiotheropy she had to for a year then she got the ok that it was gone! We were all so happy! I missed her she was in the hospital alot pretty much all the time. I was so happy that i had her back. But now.. She has it again.. It crushed me that she got it back i dont want her to leave me she means the world to me she is like my mother if that makes sense? But i know wat ur going through we disnt know that she had it again till it already took over her left boob.. I hope u find out wats wrong i hope it isnt cancer.. Cancer is the worst thing to have. Just know that im pretty much going throught the same thing ur not alone hun i hope this helped u maybe a little bit?
Cancer is horrible. I have lost family and friends through it and it sucks. I’m sorry to hear that your mother figure family friend has gotten it again and know how much that hurts (sometimes more than when you originally find out they have cancer). I really hope things end up well for her. Thank-you for sharing your story. I honestly feel a bit better knowing that I’m not alone 🙂 Feel free to message me if you need to at any stage.
I truly hope whatever it may be, is curable. Be strong her for. She’s in my prayers <3
I know this is a late response, but I just want to say thank-you 🙂
for her* lol
actually at the moment, I am with my grandfather who is in his final days of life. He has had cancer for a little over a year now, and at first we thought he was doing so great, he was really responding to the chemo! But about a week ago, he had a bowl obstruction, and then all of the sudden, the cancer spread EVERYWHERE. And, I know, everybody loses their grandparents, at some point and that its really not as dramatic as losing a real parent, but, I really cannot look up to my dad anymore because of the horrible things he has done to my family, so really my grandfather is my only ‘father figure’. Losing him will be so hard, but I know he will be in a better place than he is right now. Your mother is in my prayers. I really do hope she and the rest of your family can stay strong
thank-you and I’m sorry about your grandfather.