I don’t really know why I’m here. Just to vent I guess.. Well I’m 17. I’ve been depressed for god knows how long. I don’t really get along that great with my dad or mom. They both abuse me. I cut myself sometimes. I recently had to get stitches cause I went to far with the cutting. My boyfriend of 4 months was really the only reason I wanted to be alive, and didn’t kill myself. But tonight I received a text from his sister.. it said “Hey my brother is talking to other girls and my brother says that he loves them to you and them and my mom has tooken his phone over and over for the same reason and you are never going to talk to him again because my mom is not going to give it back sucks for you haha” I honestly don’t know why this happened to me. I can’t quit crying. Then I got texts from him and this is how the conversation went:
him: Hey I’m really sorry I haven’t been honest with you…. You deserve some one so much better then me
me: You’re right, I do. Dont ever talk to me again. You have got no idea how bad you hurt me. I really hope you are happy with yourself. Why would you do this? Honestly?
him: I’m not.. I’m really sorry I’m sorry for everything and I’m never gonna be able to live with this sooo I’m sorry I really am that’s why I want you to find some one better who won’t hurt you… I don’t blame you for hating me
me: Well kudos to you for having me so fooled. I hope you have a great life.
him: I didn’t want to do this to you.. I really didn’t want to fool you or anything I was just with both of you and I don’t know…. I know I’m wrong for doing that to you and I’m sorry I really am.. I hope you a great life you will.
me: Haha I’m not gonna have a great life considering im about to end it right this minute. Maybe i’ll have fun in hell. I hope you and her have a great relationship. Sorry for not being good enough for you or anyone else. Bye xavier.
So tonight is going to be the night I leave this horrible world. Kudos to everyone for fooling me as if I actually matter when in reality I don’t. Just a dumb ***** that’s a mistake that shouldn’t be here. I can’t deal with my life anymore. Â All I have EVER felt is pain and worthlessness.. hope you all live a happy well lived life. Goodbye all.
6 comments
You’ll be 18 soon and you could move out of the house and such. You know…have your own independence.Don’t end it here…if you survived 17 years surely you can do more…?
aw hun..i understand what your going through..ive been through alot of the same things. well im still going through them..if you wanna talk email me charliecooley24@yahoo.com
CoryJean I’m so sorry you feel like this. At least your ex-guy was sorry…it was a vicious text from his sister, really nasty, I’m not surprised you feel upset.
Don’t kill yourself over this guy. There’ll be other guys, babe. Zx
http://suicideproject.org/2012/07/so-you-want-to-end-your-life-you-think-theres-no-hope-read-this-if-this-doesnt-change-your-perspective-talk-to-me-i-care/
yes totally true what louise50 said. There WILL be other guys
Hey CoryJean, don’t let him/them have the final control over you by giving them the greatest give – power over your life. The best thing you could possibly do is to live and live well and show them that you are so much better than them. And when you start doing that, you will start feeling it and then you will project that out and attract much much nicer people into your life. I feel so sad that you have had to endure so much pain at such a young age. I am listening.