I have lately been crying often due to the problems involving my family. It all started of when i hadn’t been talking to my dad for atleast 5 months.
Cause you see my parents are divorced and now i live with my mum and step-dad and siblings. Anyway, I didnt end up going on holiday with my dad. Kinda sad. Once the summer holidays i had sent him a message saying that im sorry but my phone didnt work so i had no contact with him and i told him that i now am back at home.
He hadn’t called or texted me .. i was getting worried that something had happened to him. Next it was the day of my birthday, i kept my phone with me the whole day waiting for a text from him ‘Happy Birthday Birthday Girl’. Nothing at all.. I was surprised. Few months passed. I found out that he was already back in the country and had been texting my sister but not me….Maybe he prefers my sister more than me..? It was like a stab in the heart. I was convincing myself that i done something wrong. But  I was wrong. My mum knew about this whole situation… i stupidly thought how my dad doesn’t love me anymore or something like that. ;'( I cry every night till this very day. I cut my self once a day.
I asked my mum then, why did you guys divorce? She didn’t want to tell me but i kept on pleading.. pleading and pleading. I just wanted to know! She finally throw it out of herself. My OWN dad abused my mother. I was gutted. I just scream ‘What!?! HOW COULD HE !?’
I then found out… he abused me. I don’t remember this, because i closed it out from me. I now remember till this day him grabbing me as the hand and closing it between the doors. I remember the pain. I have no longer have a Dad. I had a fucking MONSTER in my family.
I am soon meeting him.. to tell him everything. That i no longer love him. I longer want to meet him. This whole ‘history’ lead me to cutting. I once cut myself to deep and stiched it. (Went to hospital, i lied that i fell over some glass xD) I just want to disappear and never come back. Please help me ! I no longer want to cry every night and cut myself. </3
2 comments
We can choose are friend’s. We can choose are enemies. Not our framilys. It’s not your fault who your father is or what he did. You to get help. Like counseling. & stop beat your self up and hurt in your self.
Thanks for the help ;D. Im lucky because the abused had stop, but the problem is that everyday i get tired..i turn to cutting. I dont know why i am still on earth. I just need to find something that will take my mind of it.