looking around my room i realise i have so many pills. two types of naproxen, concerta, Aleve, Adivl, Tylonal, and sleeping pillings. i coud OD no problem but… i don’t. i keep thinking about it… all the time… i want to soo bad. i could take all those pills. there’s even more in the medicine cabinet and alcohol under the stove. i could take the pills, go to bed, and never wake up.
i don’t know if it’s progress that i haven’t tried ODing yet or not because i keep thinking about it… a lot.
i stopped cutting… i think. it’s only been a few days since i dragged my precious shiny blade across my tummy drawing that pretty, glistening blood out. but i started the Butterfly Project. the little butterflies are all over my tummy, arms, and legs. i hope it will work.
but… sometimes… i don’t want to get better. i would prefer to die a bloody pretty death.
4 comments
I find myself imagining a dagger fixed with a vise as I tie my hands up to slam them down on the blade. I think about using a razor or sharp utensil (if tried) or driving my car into on-coming traffic. I think about slamming a bottle of clonipin and some dramamine and downing a bottle of captain morgan black. 1000 xs a day.
Here’s a direct quote from a young lady who decided to do that yesterday, taken from a comment about 5 pages back:
“i dot think i have lng but u r not worthlessnkj axcuse mkyy writng if u cant reagd it but live your life. i wont to try help you but if i dont reppkly anyt mret itr meands im fgone and thbat the poison and o.d finallyy worked, bnut please reconsdfer dyingf, im telling youyd now mit reallty hurts an d noew oi regret it doingf thias to me cauees irtts only makihng me sick and iuin pain just plwease stay. whuen i igio ill snd u hapines and tle god to watgch overt yoiu.”
She’s in intensive care now and her mother will hopefully respond with good news tomorrow. The Mom is feeling horrible and the girl might not make it. I bawled my eyes out when I read her posts too late yesterday. I thought we lost one. Does that help you with your choice?
i read that when you take pills most likely you vomit them up when u fall unconcious so u will live but have liver damage and brain damage
also read that if u shoot urself theres a 50 percent chance u live as well
seems like its way too hard to kill urself
Even if you took all of those pills and the ones in the cabinet it still wouldn’t kill you.