Christmas alone and naked

here i sit without clean clothes, drinking coffee and without a soul in the world to care for me. I hate life and I have nothing to do with it anymore, but im unable to end it right away. here shortly in a week or so I’ll attempt to fix my mistakes however it’s going to be very hard to carry on as i will feel like i failed at following through with suicide itself. beating suicide isn’t an achievement once you’ve sworn up and down to yourself you will do it regardless of what happens for the better. my ultimate hope is that i make enough money to purchase the materials needed to finish what i began a few days ago. eliminating myself from the future. you can’t save me. Jesus can’t even save me, I’ts easier to reject him since I already know he’s real.