Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbors Wife

I’m a firm believer that everything written in the Bible was written by people just trying to make a positive difference for the era of the time.  It shows its age today with some completely nonsensical demands.  And yet, there is still wisdom to be found in it if you look at it.  For far too long, I’ve been comparing myself to the lives and achievements of others.  I’ve been holding them up and measuring myself against the best of them.  Why do I do this?  Why do I fall into this trap?  My life is my life, no matter where it takes me.  Their lives are theirs.  I am sure there are things in my life that they may wish they had, as well as I wish I had things that they have.  But, no longer.  When I want for what they chose to prioritize early in their life, I lose part of what makes me unique.  I may have missed a few boats, but I caught a few boats of my own too.  Why am I so self hating when I have always done as I pleased?  I have no doubt that what brings happiness into the lives of others would bring happiness into mine as well.  But those things are not all of who I am.  And though I may be late in achieving things where others have already planted their flag, this race is not over.  And still to, I bring to the table many unique talents that no others can claim because they have chose to live in a different world than my own.

When I ponder the meaning of ‘thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife’, I believe it is speaking more than just of threatening the bond of marriage, but rather a deep wisdom that says do not compare your achievements to the achievements of others.  And though I’ve never actually coveted a neighbors wife, I’ve definitely broken this rule lately and suffered in my private hell because of it.  It almost consumed me, and only through either luck or stupidity did I manage to not let it end my life.  People will always have something you desire.  And yet, we are the masters of our lives.  Some of us may lack discipline, but we all know deep down that if we want something, it is our responsibility to work to achieve it, no matter how difficult it may be for us in comparison to how easy it was for others.  It’s time for me to stop making excuses and claim my life.  For far too long, I’ve been a prisoner, locked in a cell that I helped to construct.  I’ve tried to fool myself into thinking that others bore the responsibility for the state of my life, but truth be told there were so many other paths I could of taken, but for too long opted for the easy road.  It may be a difficult habit to break, but I will overcome it.

I will go forth with all that I am and live in this world.  I will not exist in my own delusions any longer, nor reflect in self pity and loathing when things do not go my way.  One thing I acknowledge that I have to change is that I am far too weak when it comes to dealing with others.  I have always been too careful around people not wanting to upset or hurt anyone, and yet, one must be willing to not let the desires of other people knock you down or knock you back into depression.  I acknowledge that there are selfish people in this world, and that I must defend myself against them as a matter of survival.  I cannot afford to let them steal my life with their manipulative habits.  I will grow stronger.  I will not grow cold, I will not shut down, I will not be defined by anyone except myself.