Suicide can be a relief
But when life gets better and you know it’ll get worse again, then better, then worse,
What do you do when you’re in a good period
And you know that somewhere down the track you’ll have a bad patch,
Which you know will be hard to tolerate let alone get through?
It’s like sometimes I want to die over knowing that today is fine but tomorrow may not be…
Yet if I were to die today, tomorrow might be fine!
So I don’t die, hoping for the best,
Knowing that I could be hoping in vane,
Or I could be hoping with success.
I never know until life happens because it’s so random…
That’s what I hate about this life
Yet I love it in a way because there’s good times in it.
3 comments
I like to think of the seasons of the year as what you have described. We may all have a favorite time of the year but during those times there are storms of various strength that pass through. During the storm fear may creep into us if we hear the sirens go off and we see the wind so boisterous with hail and rain and the black clouds circling overhead. But the storms DO pass and then the pleasant smell of a freshly fallen rain comes to our senses and we see the most beautiful rainbow with its colors so sharp and clear. We may have a mess to clean up but we can do that and then all is well again. The sun rises another day and if we choose, we can be here to enjoy that day. If we choose…
Thx MichelleJ. Your post is one of the best descriptions I’ve read of how it feels to be suicidal. I feel exactly that way.
Oh do you? Wow ok. And thanks!
To be honest though, I don’t want old age to get me. So when I know I’m too frail one day, I’m killing myself so I won’t have to suffer unnecessarily for too long. Animals can be put down. So can humans.