i cant do this anymore

i cant. everywhere i turn his name is mentioned or brought up. Everything reminds me of him. everyone knows him. i try to seperate myself but i cant. I LITERALLY CANNOT FORGET YOU. I loved him so much. I LOVE him so much. if i saw him idk what id do. id break down sobing. id run up to him and jump on him. id slap him and curse at him and let him know how much he hurt me. how much he is hurting me. i cant breathe when i think about him. i see pictures with him and his new girl on fb, she is licing with him. she gets to wake up every morning by his side in his arms. she gets to stare into his eyes and be called babe and boo and sweetie and be showered in love. she gets to be with him through the bad and good. i want him. i need him. idk why i feel so strongly about him. he makes me want to cut. he makes me want to slice myself open until i bleed out all of my hurt. i want to bleed until i cant feel a thing. nothing. i just want to lie on the floor motionless in no pain and without a thought of him running through my head. i need to cover my arms and legs cuts. I know im young but when i open up to someone when i give them my blody heart and soul thats it. its hard for me to open up just a little. i just cant fucking deal with shit. maybe ill start doing pills again. ill stop caring again. ill start dressing like i used to with my booty shorts and cut off tops. maybe i should say fuck it. or maybe ill go back to my long sleeved sweatshirt and sweatpants stage. fucking shit…