I’ve tried to kill myself so hard! In many times. I just wanna die, but I don’t know how. I mean, I need a plan to execute. Make a plan, I don’t know.. Some times life is a fuck contest of status, or beauty.. I can’t see my life better than.. that. My whole life was a fuck lie, and I have never seen one reason to live. I have never a relationship goodness, I don’t have friends, I mean.. I do, but its not the point. Isn’t my life, I don’t have plan for the future, I aways think in die, or something like that. I can’t sleep or eat, I feel sick, I’m crying, I can’t look at myself. Sorry my english. But I just want it all to end. I’ve cut my wrists Already, I’ve thought about shooting myself, but its complicated. A gun its not easier.. found it. I don’t know. I’ve tried a lot medicine, but it doesn’t worked (obviously..). Tell me how I make this.. where.. or something, please. I need to.
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hows this for a way to die, old age. if you dont like how youre living your life, do it differently. you say you are living a lie, then show what youve been hiding. end what makes your life bad, not the life itself.
i’m sorry for what you are going through. i don’t know exactly what happened or anything. hell, i’m some random person online; don’t know you at all. i feel like this too though. i want to be dead. idk, hope for some randon accident to take your life or something because it’s too hard to do it yourself… like i said, i don’t know you or anything, but the way i try to look at it is that i will be dead when it is my turn. it feels like forever and it’s painful, but we all get our turn and life sucks a lot of the time(at least for me and a lot of people on this website); but, we somehow find something to hold us here on this place and maybe it’s for the better. maybe we could be helping someone without knowing it. thats good, right? idk. it’s not right to want to commit suicide, though i am guilty, i know. we shouldn’t have to go through things like we do. there is hope somewheres in us, or we would be dead by now, so hold on o that hope, and hopefully you can make it grow larger
best fo luck to YOU!! =)
and you can message me if you want
bbkarategirl@yahoo.com
idk if i can help, but maybe i can. and i’m good at listing; if you ever need me, i’m here
Thanks, emy. Its really helps. I don’t understand why is this happens. Sometimes I think if I really died.. just over? .. We fight so hard by now, and suddenly everything changes, our bodies changes, our minds becomes empty.. You know what? Fuck the society. I’ll take a reason to live. I don’t know, change places.. people.. I need a new life.
Thanks for the message, and if you need me too, I’ll be there.
I’ll send some message form you some day, and tell how my life change. I mean, I suppose that changes.
luck for you too. xxx
i find it amusing how i started people putting up their emails. yeah, im the one whos email is murtaugh3@gmail.com if anyone needs someone to talk to just email me, i have no life so im on the computer most of the time. i check this site a lot to see whats going on. to the person who posted this… just hang in there. it can and will get better. talk to someone. all the stuff ive been saying.
Hey well im not gonna give you a way to kill youself even tho i know it might be easier… All im gonna say is i dont think you should give up. Your obviosly still hear for a reason and i think you should keep it that way… Just think ten years from now you could have the life you have always dreamed of.
Im sorry if this didnt help at all but i wuld love to hear from you so i know your still with us. xx
thank you much. i am so happy that i could help 🙂
and still agree with you “Fuck the society” especialy
and please do message me sometime about how you are
i have tried suicide a couple times too and i still dnt want to live but one reason i stay alive is to make people suffer some people i no have put me thru absolute hell and now the last time i tried cutting my wrists i stopped and decided to be stronger than that and make their lives hell so slowly and discreetly i am torturing them by playing mind games i will do something but they wnt accuse me becaise y would i want to hurt them? i “care” about them so what i suggest u do is get even dnt kill yourself its not worth it mind games are much more fun 🙂 i no i probably sound like a fucking psycho but im rlly not i just get even lol so if u need to talk im here and i no what your going thru mentally..after all i have a alcoholic mother that abuses me so i am pretty messed up and i can help if u want my help
annabelle, youre not a psycho, youre just a sadist. big differece. psychos kill/rape/torture people. if they are just getting what they deserve then thats fine… i would love to get back at a few people. unfortunately, im not the revenge type… im a masochist not a sadist, so it doesnt work too well. but if that what it takes (author of post) to stay alive, go for it
i wanna cap myself too. i have all bad job references or none at all, even though i worked hard my whole life. i always quit my jobs suddenly due to people pissing me off, or because i cant do anything right on the job and feel worthless. my memory sux and causes me to make mistakes all the time, resulting in me getting screamed at. i work 7 days a week in the racehorse biz, and live on racetracks in usually poor conditions. i walk 10-20 miles a day and my legs hurt constantly and my feet are wrecked. i sleep a split shift 2hrs then 3 hrs. i wanna get out of the biz but have no good references. now theres no jobs in amerika anyway. the whole country is screwed. i wish i could just get on disability but that is nearly impossible. im 40 on wednesday and have no girlfriend since 1994. my parents are no help. i wouldnt survive the disability marathon only to be denied due to mental illness not being a true disability. ive got just about every one short of schitzo. i think the only reason im still alive is my fear of death being worse than it already is now. people suck and i never go around them. i sit in my room for 6 years, only coming out to work and eat. i dont drive and when i walk down the street people driving by in cars always laugh at me and yell shit. i hate where this country is heading and i hate everyone younger than 30 and most all people in general, especially girls. im straight but girls piss me off as they are empty headed optimists that only concerned with aesthetics. so yeah, i understand why u wanna die. life is just a cheap, cruel joke. i always thought it would be cool if every person on the planet killed themselves at the same time in protest to gods cruel trick hes played on all of us.
I wish that I was dead too. I have felt this way for long time. I been through 2 marriages only to find out that my husband now hasn’t loved for about three years. He always complain about what i do wrong, He says that im a bad mother, a horrible daughter, and awful wife. Matter fact he says I’m no wife to him. My kids look at as if they wished i wasn’t there mother.One of my daughters aren’t here and the other wants to live her sorry ass dad who took my childhood away from me. Know out of 14years this piece of shit wants play daddy!!!!!! All of sudden im not fit to be mother!! I had to be a mother at 15years old. He was a grown man, and worst of all one of my family members. Where was everybody then when I needed help!!!!!!!!!
They rather judge me and keep score of all faults. I finally open to someone my husband and know he hates me. I been through counseling but everything still hurts. I need to feel protected, im so scared. If he leaves me what will i do. He protected me from others and now I ran him away too… I ‘m always making others life miserable and I don’t try to.I never want to cause pain to anyone because It hurts so bad. If only I could be fixed. I don’t know how though. It would be better for everyone if I wasn’t here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
I.. am so tired of life.. so tired of feeling like a failure. I feel worthless. I want to die. Why can’t anyone see me? I’m so fucking lost.. i need some serious help.. please help me.. someone 🙁 anyone.. i can’t even write this without crying
TJ,
What happened?
TJ,
there is a soothing point for you to rub.
At the middle of the centre of the rib cage,
just above the cavity,
the sore point, rub it until it soothes.
TJ,
if your heart is still pumping fast,
rub the inside of your left wrist, near the outer end (pinky finger direction),
by your right thumb, from left to right, and again left to right.
That is the sore point of the heart.
Another sore point of the heart.
under the left elbow, near the big bone, press and rub it, again press and rub it by your right thumb, till it soothes.
Such a long story.. I was so desperate last night. I still am and I don’t know what to do. I’m 20 years old, still living at home and I don’t have a job. My biological dad killed himself as did my uncle, we were very close. My mom, who has been married to another man for 17 years has been cheating on him and is now pregnant with another guy. My stepdad really needed me to be there for him because she left and she was his world, I’ve stayed up for nights listening to him talking about his feelings, I’ve comforted him when he cried and I’ve called the ambulance when the pain was too much for him to bear and he couldn’t breathe and had panic attacks. She felt bad and came back into our lives only to make it a living hell again. I have a brother who’s 14 and a sister who just turned 16. Mom is pushing me to get a job so I can pay her debt while she spends her money on new clothes for her and jewlery for her to wear while she’s out finding new guys to sleep with. My sister is allergic to flour so she gets some money each month to buy special food, but mom takes it and buys something for herself. Our bills are piling up and we have no way of paying it even though my stepdad is working, she demands he gives her the money so she can go out and do whatever. I had my heart set on moving to Ireland where my boyfriend just got a job, he left from Sweden to go there today, I applied for a job there to get away from the stress here, but I didn’t get the job. My mom just looked at me and laughed, and said “haha, did you really think you would get the job? you can’t do anything right!”
She is so angry at everyone every single day and night, even though she did the mistakes. She let US down, she was screwing around behind OUR backs. We LET her come back, but she didn’t even apologize. I had another fight with her today, she didn’t even talk to me for 5 hours and I went to do the dishes and she said “aren’t you even going to say thank you for the food?” and I said “I was just going to do the dishes first” and then she flipped at me because I cried last night while talking to my stepdad (whom I’ve grown a lot closer to because of her bullshit) and she said “why do you even talk to me? you can talk to you stepdad, you don’t need me” and I said “so you’re not my mom anymore?” and she said “no, I wish I never had you, I hope you get a job and move out so I won’t have to look at you anymore” and then she called me a ‘baby killer’ because I got raped at 15 and had an abortion because I couldn’t stand the thought of raising a baby that was forced on me.
I need some serious help and someone to talk to asap. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared I’ll do something stupid. I’m so lost and scared. I’m scared of dying because I don’t think anyone would show up at my funeral.
Help me.
I’m sorry for the long message, but I have a lot I need to let out and no one to talk to. I hope you understand.
TJ,
I just read your story. Never think too long your story is.
And I need time to think and feel like you.
But at this moment I’m very glad to learn your fight from the bottom up,
that’s what you should do.
To break out from the ultimate, shout it out. You definitely have the right
to do what you think right. Don’t ever let the evil wins.
I know you are good. I’m beside you.
TJ,
In life, we have to avoid any unnecessary battles, walk away, and ignore it. The road is broad for also the evils.
We are always aroused to fight because the evils prey on the kind-hearted. But as a human being, we need the always joy in
thinking that can bring us peace and happiness.
However, when we are pushed to the edge, a threat to our survival, the abolishment of our soul, the worthiness of our true-self,
we roar, we awake any possible positive force that we have, to fight. That’s the battle we have to face.
When you fight, you carry the right. Not only you defend for yourself, also for your stepdad.
Only you have the right thinking, could you have the positive force to lift your stepdad up.
Your mother gone will bring nothing to your stepdad, but your love is so immense that your stepdad may depend on and need
no more from your mother.
Think of your stepdad, a positive force that stand beside you, not 2 poor souls of negativity sobbing together.
Tell your stepdad that you love him.
Howl to the evil. You have the right of where you are standing. There you in command of your loving soul.
When the evil can’t stand your existence in between, you in turn evict the evil with the facts of its evil deeds.
alt.suicide.methods <– lots of good info there.
TJ,
I tried various brands of flour, especially the flour for pancakes, just awful, the taste is just like chemicals,
I spit it out even the first mouthful. Now I can even tell just by smelling the raw flour to see if there are chemicals.
I just don’t understand how on earth these famous brands can be so morally downgraded.
I’m now using one that is good, “White Wings”–plain flour, no addictives, unbleached, made in Australia.
About your staying or leaving, It’s your decision. The worries at home has to be solved. And your emotional pressure has to be released before going abroad. Even a short leave may bring you temporary relief and happiness, but beware the blow of news that may strike you. If your personal problem is not solved, in the long run, may bring sadness to your relationship with your boyfriend. And If your boyfriend doesn’t understand without the company of you and find another girl, it’ll be only your gain and blessing, not your loss.
Also learn the basic cooking skills, for your father, and your boyfriend, actually for your own good. Then teach it to your dad and your siblings, then you can go anywhere free without your mother.
(If your cooking skills are bad, I can teach you the basics in 1 paragragh or 2)
About the raping and abortion, of course you have personal responsibility, should have protected yourself, but your parents
did the great part without teaching or provided a safer environment for you.
Yeah .. I don’t know. Maybe it is all my fault somehow. Bad karma maybe? Or maybe some people are just meant to be depressed, some people aren’t meant to be happy. Seems like I’m losing everyone I care about. My mom just came into my room screaming saying I needed to pack my bags and get the hell out of her house and that I’m not welcome here anymore .. and my stepdad told me to lock my door and stay in there till she is calm. I’m so desperate for someone to see my cries for help. If I get kicked out I’ll have nowhere to go and I don’t have any cash. I tried talking to my bestfriend, but she’s busy with her boyfriend and I told her what’s going on and all she said was “seriously?” and then she said she had to go and I haven’t heard from her since. I guess the only person you can trust nowadays is yourself .. but what happens when you can’t trust yourself because your head is telling you to end your life and your heart still wants to hold on because there might be some hope?
I’m so freaking torn.. I know I’m 20 and should be acting like a grown up, but I feel like a terrified little kid. why can’t anyone see me..
Is there a .. you know, chat I can talk to someone maybe? Although writing it all here and knowing someone actually reads it is sort of comforting in a way. I just have a lot of things to say I guess…
Hi TJ
Just don’t give up. There are plenty of chances left in life if you are just 20.
You can start over at any time.
Trust your boyfriend and believe him when he says he loves you, hold on to that feeling and keep hoping and believing.
We are all here for you if you need us.
Hey TJ, ur mom is such a damned *****. I don’t get it, do u all really need her that badly to be around when all she does is hurt all of u?
And another thing I don’t get is; the whole family can just gang up on her like? Why is everybody getting pushed around by her?
Btw, sounds more like she came back to EXPLOIT all of u, and not because she felt bad.
I don’t know, could u like make ur own thread for ur story? I feel bad kinda bad hijacking someone else’s.
Yeah, I’ll make own thread and write it there.. I was just really really desperate that night and had to tell someone and that was all I could find.. I’ll brb with my own thread though
http://suicideproject.org/archives/2009/09/03/someone-help-me-2/
There ya go. My thread if you want to follow it..