Dear A.Y,

how could you just do that … all i ever think about is you, and now I’m so lonely. i miss you with all my being. u never cared did you. you never ever liked me and i was just this stupid clingy thing that should just die in a hole. it was all in my head. i just can’t….believe it i guess. i can’t bear to accept it. I’m just tired….i really really…..i just.. I’m pathetic. its like all of that was a dream. it really is like it never happened now, isn’t it? there you go, on with life, and I’m just STUCK here in this nothingness. I’m not going anywhere. you really hurt me. it doesn’t matter if you don’t care, i just want to say it. you broke me. I’m just numb and cold all the time. and i miss you. I’m always wondering about you, and…just stuff. and as much as i don’t want to admit it, I’m still hanging here. right where you left me. and its such a horrible thing. who the hell wants to go back right? i get that, and i can’t go forward, and… you know it just hurts when something is really dead. like our memories. there so dead, they’re decaying. and i keep visiting them, and its just horrible to see them so dead. i mean, i was at the point where i didn’t mind if we ever ended up together or not, i just wanted to be apart of your life. a real relationship was too good to be true. i just wanted to connect with somebody. and not just anybody, i wanted to connect with you. i just feel left behind. and i know there was nothing you could do, but… you didn’t have to ignore me… and i know that feelings change, i know you don’t like me anymore, i know every things not the same or how it used to be, i just wanted to let you know. you really made life great you know. I’m going to remember you, even though its extremely overwhelmingly painful. everyday i woke up, i woke up for you. the thing that would make my world, is if you said “hey”. but then i would probley accept you back, and thats really… its not fair for me. just ouch. i just don’t get it. where did i go.. what did i do wrong. just why. just forget that message i last sent. it was a long time ago. its stupid. its kinda horrible lame, typing this up in the middle of the night because everything reminds me of you. everywhere i go. since I’m being honest as fuck, ill just say that i really thought we were going to be there for each other for some stupid reason. i dunno, i just thought that i finally had someone to talk to. but whatever right. and the worst part is theres nothing i, nor you, or anybody can do about it. whats gone and lost is just done. this chapters already closed and i keep rereading it, because it was the last thing that happened to me that was good. heck it might even be the best thing ever happened to me. just rereading messages so that i will smile, maybe pretend that the conversation I’m reading is in the moment. pretend that you just replied and I’m thinking of a response. I’m just scared i guess, that ill never connect with someone again. i just DONT you know? all good things come to an end, or course, but… godamn i wish they didn’t. we don’t really know each other anymore, so….. i guess I’m searching the stars for nothing. something that doesn’t exist anymore, but its just really haunting. and I’m gone too, i mean the person you knew, I would say that Ive changed, and stuff but… damn i hate myself. i hate just this thought of existing. I’m so off topic. I’m not going to send you this. because that would be so lame of me. trying to be strong, and leave you alone… because you clearly don’t want me around. whats mexico like? antonio tells me about you sometimes. its heart wrecking. god just thinking of you i feel sick. like my heart is literally aching in my chest.  so…thats all i have to say, austin. i wish things were different, i really do.