The Anger came back. It feels like poison. It takes everything out of me and to compensate, I take it out on everyone and everything around me. I wish I didn’t I feel sorry after I do. But it just doesn’t seem to go away. It’s a punishment. I can’t sleep at night. I drink so I won’t dream. I have such an overwhelming guilt. I wish I could go back… Not to change the outcome. I don’t think anyone can cheat death. When it’s your turn. It’s your turn. I just wish I could have gone back. Not left her alone. I wish anyone, not just me, could have told her it was alright. A perfect place awaits… I feel so guilty. No one deserves to be alone in that moment. Most of all no one deserves to suffer and be alone in that moment. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could make it stop. I wish I didn’t get angry. I wish I could deal with it better. It took less than 28 days to bring crashing down what I built up in 2 years. Sometimes I wondered if I had made a mistake and now I know that did. Life is far from beautiful.