Since when did life become working 5 or 6 days a week. Sitting in traffic an hour each way mind you. Despite living less than 15 minutes away from work, it takes a miracle to get home in under an hour most days. All that just to barely make a descent income, to support myself, pay bills, and whatever is left that the government doesn’t take from me I save some and spend the rest on gas and groceries. It’s like an endless cycle. There’s no denying I’m depressed and in need of serious help. And I’m not talking about the help that comes in the form of some therapist or drug dealer with a medical license who writes me out a prescription for some toxic crap the pill making industry and FDA try to pass off as safe. Give me a break. Do you ever watch commercials for pharmaceuticals. ”You have a headache? Try taking [fill in the blank] and your headache will be gone. Although you should notify your doctor if you become violently ill, go into convulsions, have chest pain, diarrhea, vomiting, thoughts of suicide, stroke, death, blindness, kidney or liver failure, etc etc” Why don’t you just take my money, throw the pills at me and say, knock yourself out kid. It may kill you, or it may help you. A: you either get what you wanted, you die. Or B: It actually by some miracle happened to help you without any major side effects. Good luck either way. See you next week, if you’re still here.
Seriously if I thought I had ANY chance at a ”normal” life, I’d fight. However I’m so screwed up from so much that I’ve been through that I feel totally and completely helpless. I’m drained, tapped out. I’m empty. The person I use to be, died a long time ago. So any chance of real hope would come in the form of someone who knows my pain, not some shrink with a fake smile. I think I would know, I’m the master of fake smiles. All I want to do is sleep. Just let me hibernate. By Hibernate, I mean let me close my eyes for the last time.
Funny how that works huh. When all you want to do is sleep. You find yourself wide awake at 12-1am contemplating…..EVERYTHING.
Maybe it’s just me.
9 comments
Yep. It’s not just you.
No, there’s others like you. That cycle you speak of, I’ve endured it in so many different life configurations. Not just while single, but also add a gf, it’s just one more piece to the agenda. Or add a wife……purchase a hot tub……new car…..it doesn’t fucking matter. Everything evolves into a bland routine.
As if the routine doesn’t get numbing enough, then have some events that complicate it and make things harder.
Sure, it’s how you view things. Find joy in winding down into a working/tired/drone with no extra time to do anything,…..even if you did have extra time, you don’t want to do anything.
wtf
“Back in the day,” working full time translated into having everything you need, and a little extra. And so that was acceptable for most people.
But now, money isn’t worth nearly what it once was, and what most people make is no longer even enough, let alone anything extra… which is unacceptable. But since most of us are stuck working full time, for not enough, we have neither time nor energy to spare on “causes,” like fighting a corrupt system.
All I know is I’m calling out of work tomorrow. It’s 1am almost and I have to be up at 5:30am. It’s insanity. I mean I don’t hardly call out, but I have sick time built up. So whatever. Hows your night going? Hopefully better than mine. haha
Well said CleverName.
I honestly have no idea how everybody does not get into the same rut with work/errands/life. It’s at the point where I’m not jealous of anyone. But I scratch my head wondering why they are happy.
I can definitely relate Bipolar American.
I’ve thought about why the good die young quite a bit. Usually it’s a tragic accident or somesuch and usually in the prime of their lives. No one knows how the rest of their lives could turn out, but we always think it should’ve lasted longer to enjoy more….
I don’t necessarily agree. What if they’re the lucky ones and the suckers still walking around are the unfortunate souls doing time in this numbing cycle of repeating occurances?
I’m rambling, but where I’m going with this is once you’ve checked out, you have fulfilled all you take or want. You know of any person dying of natural causes wanting to stick around for some more time? I haven’t, they had enough.
In a way, when it’s your time….you’re at peace with yourself.
Yeah the way this world works has depressed me for many years now. Actually just the other week I was doing the actual math for exactly what you were talking about, 7 days in a week, 5 of those days should be spent working 8-9 hours, plus 1-2 hours of commute, plus time spent just getting ready for work, showering, preparing meals, 7-8 hours spent asleep if you’re lucky. I forget the exact numbers I came out with but suffice to say our lives are going down the drain.
It’s “wage slavery”. We aren’t truly free. It’s a type of slavery with an illusion of free will.
And yeah because the money doesn’t go as far these days it feels even worse.
If you consider setting yourself free from the 9-5 world and figuring out how to get by with less, then you just lose in other areas of your life, nobody wants to be in a relationship with you if you say you aren’t working, etc.
I’ve been out of work for a while and I don’t think I ever want to go back and I doubt I’ll come up with some magical idea that’ll allow me to make enough money to support myself without having a typical job. The way I look at it if I just stay unemployed until I run out of everything and then kill myself, I’ll probably have enjoyed as much free time as the average person who works 40+ hours their whole life and only gets ownership of a few hours of their time in a week. I’d rather just live a year or two truly free and then leave this place than have 60 years of running on the hamster wheel of labor slavery.