How am I?
Funny how no one really asks you that question because they assume that you are fine when in reality you are breaking and crumbling every day and no one notices.
Weird how the fact that, that I’m the first person to ask How I am in some time.
How am I?
Broken.
Shattered.
In pain.
I get more nervous now so I bite my lip, but sometimes it makes it bleed.
I lick my lips a lot more too to try and calm myself down, but sometimes it doesn’t work.
I breathe faster now trying to control my anxiousness around triggers.
Normally it doesn’t work and I have an attack.
I don’t know what to do anymore to stop myself.
I don’t know how to control my crying anymore.
I can’t be strong anymore and it breaks me so much knowing that a while back I was strong, but now I’m weak.
It pains me to see that my reflection in the mirror.
If you look closely you can see the pain in my eyes, the fakeness in my smile, the tears the once ran down my cheeks.
My heart feels cut up into millions of tiny pieces
Like it was dropped from a skyscraper
Shattered
Cut
Bruised
Torn apart from the demons that my mind has made.
How am I?
Anything but fine.
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4 comments
I actually understand this so much. I have only one true friend, who I love dearly but she never asks how I feel. She always just assumes I’m fine. And it’s sad, because I know if she ever did ask, I would tell her the truth and explain to her how confused and worried I am about life, but until then, I am forced to keep my thoughts inside my own head.
Wow, I can relate to this so much. As I read this I felt like someone had written down my feelings. You’re right, no one ever asks how you feel, they assume you’re OK and that everything is fine. But it’s not. You lock the pain inside hoping someone, anyone will notice how much you’re hurting; they never do. The best thing you can do is tell someone how you feel, even if you think you’re being whiny and complaining about something trivial. Sometime we think people can see our pain and that they simply don’t care, but people aren’t mind readers. If we don’t speak up about what’s bothering us then no one will ever know that there’s something wrong.
I think most people are scared to ask how your doing because they are afraid of what you might say. And most of the time when you ask you get a lie, like “I’m fine or I’m ok” so people in general have just stopped asking how others are doing.
Just my opinion
I can’t help but say your username yet again provides the answer you seek. I know, it’s the same old rhetoric I’m using, but maybe that’s what you need. I could ask you how you’re doing, but y’know what? I’d rather you show me. I’d rather you…show me where you’ve cut, the route your tears would take as they trickle down your cheeks, the part of your lip where you drew blood.
But obviously you can’t do that, being thousands of miles apart. Yet I can still feel you through the words you express, the pain you are suffering. I hope you continue your search for a way through this dark place, LetItGo. You’ll be in my thoughts.