Well, where to begin. I’m new to this whole thing. I figured, why not express how I to a bunch of people I don’t know? So, here goes it.
Im 16, no I’m not perfect, Â no I don’t have the worst lifestyle a human could have, but it could definitely be a hell of a lot better. I am now a sophomore in high school, and if anybody told you that high school was easy, they’re lying to you. Quit while you have the chance.
I have been bullied since the fourth grade. Crazy right? Who knew that girls could be so mean. I was always quiet, I did my school work, I played sports, and I had my group of friends, or what I thought were friends.
As things progressed, I became a bigger target for everyone to aim at. It gets hard, you grow up, you are introduced to reality, and you are stabbed in the back by everything you thought you had in the palm of your hand.
Cutting yourself is never something you should start, but I made the mistake if starting when I was 12. It takes over your life, it becomes an addiction, and the cuts, become apart of you.
After self-harming for four years, I had always thought about taking it to the next step. I always went to bed crying. I came home from school and went straight to my room. Music got louder, grades got lower, cuts got deeper, and thoughts got stronger.
Going to bed at night, and not being able to sleep was a huge struggle for me, it still is actually. But just laying there, having to battle your thoughts and urges, Is something that will end up killing you in the end.
Have you ever thought about it? What would happen if you actually killed yourself? I have. I wonder if I would be able to see everyone’s reactions. If anybody would actually care. If it would impact the one kid, who kept telling me to kill myself, would he be surprised that I did? If he knew what I was going through, do you think he would have said it?
I’m a teenage girl. We all have our ups and downs. But how long am I going to be down for? Â We all just want to be happy again, to know what it feels like to smile for real. Who knows. Maybe I’ll never know what that feeling feels like again. But I guess we will find out together.
Keep fighting everyone.
2 comments
When I was in grade 3, somehow I developed a bad reputation for myself and made some enemies. One simple trick I learned to deal with bullies is to simply go to a new school and make a new identity.
I was an immigrant kid and while I made some friends, others were racist-but I didn’t really understand it at the time. Anyways, that ‘re-inventing’ myself really helped. I went from being awkward to funny, class clown and made a ton of friends.
Having a lot of friends was a good buffer against bullies, they usually left me alone. But I know all too well how vulnerable one can feel against bigger kids in one’s grade. You just have to get smarter about it-reach out to others and make more friends.
I’d suggest that you leave this school because your rep is shot there and you have no allies. Don’t expect anyone to back you up. It’s very rare to find true friends who will defend you. For some reason the bullies seem to travel in roving packs.
Anyways-it’s the terrible environment you have to change. Nothing is sadder than a girl getting bullied and it’s not to sound sexiest but girls generally aren’t ‘made to fight.’ So it’s a terrible thing to get picked on. As a guy, if someone messes around with me, they’ll end up on my list of people to get revenge on. Which is usually why most guys don’t push their luck too far, unless they think the odds are overwhelmingly in their favor.
Good luck and hope you get better. Oh and you should also tell your siblings/parents/teachers, so at least someone knows and can back you up.
I worry for my niece and nephew who are 9 and 11…they’ve experienced some incidents also. Bullying sadly is pretty universal. I think humans are just naturally competitive and test their limits.
It’s one of the ugliest human behaviours I’ve observed and all bullies need to get the crap kicked out of them at least once in their life so they learn.
Well thanks, I’ve been to three different schools in the past four years. So I don’t think it’s the people at the school, it’s probably me. I’m an easy target.
I don’t judge people, unless I know them personally, I talk to everyone, from the jocks, to the nerds, to the nobody’s I mean, I’m definitely no popular girl. But I’m still nice to everyone unless given a reason not to be.
Thnks for the advice though, it’s greatly appreciated. I understand what you were trying to say, and it definitely made sense.