First off I want to say thank you for all the people or most of the people who could understand and took time to be with me last night. I felt good when I was close to leaving that you people really cared even though you don’t know me. So thank you for that. And for that one person who was rude and inconsiderate please don’t comment. But I am going to stay positive.
So as you all know I hit rock bottom last night and couldn’t do it anymore. And I couldn’t take living anymore. So I acted. Not like other times where I was close but waited and got a sign. No I just acted right away and did it. So I ended up taking a total of 12 to 14 concerta and they were 36 mg each. Well I cut them in half to make it work faster and also took them somewhat sporadic like few here and a few there. Well I left my house cuz I didn’t know what to do. So I drove through all over the country for like 2 hours talking on here to a few people to help me. At times I thought it was over and thought I was going to die. But I would just pull over and drink some water and feel better. Well when I felt well enough after a few long hours of driving. I just drove. And where I ended up was in the city the last time I was happy and with that special person. At this point I knew I wasn’t meant to die. I had not much signs of anything. I had taken well over the amount I should have and should be sleeping or something. So now I sat there and thought, wished the person I told everything to would have went behind my back weeks ago and told my family something I couldn’t tell them. So I sat there my parents texting saying hey we are home where are you. Then at that point I called my dad. At first I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was scared to tell him how I really felt and what I wanted to do. So he was there for me and told me things that he has never told anyone and stuff and then I just let lose. I told him how I felt and everything and how many years I have been like this(7 to 8) and I am only 20. As soon as I told him all this he felt sorry he didn’t see the signs. He felt sorry that these past two weeks I hadn’t said something or did something cuz he had a gut feeling I felt like this and was close to giving up he just didn’t know what to say. I told him everything. I sat there and told him everything and talked to him for 4 and a half hours or more. I told him how I felt and done and thought and how many times. And he was there for me. He understood once I told him everything. So in the morning he is going to call the place where he goes and talks to people and what not and tell them my name and number. Then call me and I am going to set up a appointment so I can finally do this. I wish I would have shared how I felt years ago and never held everything in and let myself get this bad. I just couldn’t tell my parents. But today is a new day and brighter future.
So if you are reading this and you are thinking about taking your life just wait a minute. Reach out to someone in your family. They won’t judge you. They love you and truly do. I wish I would have done this sooner and that way I would haven’t done what I did last night. But I am happy I didn’t finish myself. And I wish I would have never done it but it’s the past and can’t change it but learn from out mistakes. And yes I don’t feel good right now really but I am still alive and breathing. But please think about doing this. Please everyone. When you are feeling down reach out to someone and just try. And I hope that person I hurt yesterday so bad where I can’t remember what I said to her will forgive me. And give me one more chance. Cuz I am truly turning my life around. I am and I want to be happy again. Like letting all this out and talking to my dad has helped a little not a lot but it’s a start and you have to start somewhere. And so to you all stay strong and I am still here and I am meant to be and so are you. There is a place on this earth even when there feels like there isn’t. And for that person if you read this. I hope you forgive me and I will love you forever no matter what. Sorry if I ramble a lot. Just want to get this out there to everyone and thank you everyone that helped me last night. Remember this if you are thinking about taking your life or someone helping you helped save me last night. Thank you everyone
40 comments
Didn’t realize that post was from last night. Glad you’re safe, don’t know why i’m glad others on here are safe and not myself, but that’s not the point. Glad your father understood and you’re getting the help you deserve. Keep on keeping on.
Thanks man and hey I felt the same way you did before and tonight was my first time ever having the balls to do anything. But I commented on yours and willing to talk on there
Hey thanks for the reply. Means whole helluva a lot. Over the years i’ve gradually felt worse and worse, and my attempts have gotten more devastating, but my most recent attempt was eye opening. I shouldn’t, and I mean SHOULDN’T have survived that accident. It made me believe maybe it wasn’t my time. But, that feeling has worn off, along with my worry of hurting any loved ones.
Hey man. I know how you felt. I would go read all your post up to this point but not feeling the greatest and just trying to relax. But I know what you mean by not caring about loved ones or anything. That’s how I felt last night. And went through with it. And have been super close many other times. And what I realized tonight is I am suppose to be alive at this point in my life and I hope what I did last night doesn’t mess up my body since I am at home now relaxing. But it’s a sign man your suppose to be alive and on this earth
And how old are you if you don’t mind me asking
I’ve done that multiple times, almost every time I long on. And i’m 17, almost 18.
Man your still young just like me and have a lot of life left to live. I know I shouldn’t say this but it’s true man. I am only 20 myself and know how you feel. Maybe later in the day when theses pills finish all the way off and stop making me feel this way I will read yours and see what’s going on and hey comment on yours cuz I asked some questions
For sure, get some rest, and considering it’s 4 in the morning I probably should too.
Well I really can’t cuz I am wide awake cuz these pills right now and they are still in me and I feel them a little bit cuz they are like a stimulant
Oh, stimulants aren’t the best suicide method, as i’m sure you are now acutely aware of.
Yea I know but it pretty much could have killed me and I am lucky to be alive right now. Cuz the amount of mg I toke I really should be dead but I am not and happy I am not
Well that’s good. How’d it feel? Have you had any withdrawal symptoms yet?
Didn’t feel very good. I just feel like I need to go do something. But I am just trying to relax
I have had with draw from them when I run out cuz I take them for ADD
Yeah, I get that. That’s what I did after my attempt. Granted my attempt wasn’t an OD.
Yea. Did you go to the hospital when you did that? Or did you stay home
I was sent by ambulance to a hospital near the accident. Came home, then was admitted to a mental hospital for about a week.
Oh dang sorry. I was going to ask if you had any ideas what I should eat right now to help get rid of this medicine. But I was thinking like pasta and fruit
I personally didn’t have much of an appetite after it. But, if I were you i’d take down fluids, or anything light.
Alright like I don’t feel sick or anything just weird like my body wants to go do a lot still cuz of them and I am hungry but now and I have been drinking water a lot and trying to drink more
That’s the best thing for you right now. Just think what you’d eat if you had the flu.
True true. And thanks anymore hints or things I should know. Like I am a bit scared to lay down like this cuz of all the stimulants in my body
Now you should be fine. If you’re not having any withdrawal symptoms you should be good. Just don’t give your stomach a reason to be upset. Half of the way you’re feeling is likely your mind playing tricks on you too.
Yea I know. Like I told my dad everything and that’s why I still feel this way cuz earlier when I was just sitting there for a few hours in my truck on the phone with him I could feel sleepyness
At least I think and hope that’s why but I think the pills are still in me some
Oh yeah, the pills will take a while to be out of your system, but it’s a good sign you haven’t had any withdrawal symptoms.
What do you mean with draws? Like wanting to keep taking more?
No like vomiting.
Oh ok nope and what someone said in my last post is maybe since I hadn’t yet I am somewhat used to them and not affectingly like someone who doesn’t take them everyday
And hey I feel pretty good right now. Just sitting here drinking some water and eating fruit. And I think it’s all starting to wear off
Hey T1g, that’s an awesome story and I hope everyone reads it. What you went through was hell, but I think sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can turn your life around. Like you said, it won’t be quick & easy but the point is you started.
I actually might try taking your advice. When you’re at the end of your rope it’s tempting to assume “nobody will understand so I’ll just build a wall around myself” which is what I’ve been doing for almost 5 years. But like you found out when you opened up to your dad, some people are a lot more understanding than you think.
I guess in my case all the people around me seem to have this “suicide is stupid and suicidal people are cowards” attitude so I don’t bother telling them how I feel. But reading about how your dad supported you gives me hope that maybe someone in my life, maybe someone I’ve forgotten long ago, can give me that same lifeline.
Man it’s such a relief to hear you pulled thru. Sounded like a particularly painful/unpleasant way to go, ramped up on hi-power stims until your heart literally comes apart at the seams. But it sounds like you’ve got a solid ticker, and if you survived last night I bet there’s no long term damage. Sorta like a car’s engine, if you rev it crazy high but stop before the pistons crack.
Just take care of yourself man. Yeah tons of water & fruit is probably the best thing for you. Literally rinse the crap out of your system. Maybe take the day to listen to some music and plan your next move.
I hope you can patch things up with the person (ex girlfriend?) you mentioned hurting. We all say & do rash things when we’re in pain. Maybe if you explain to her how bad you were hurting inside, she’ll understand that you were just lashing out at the first thing which was unfortunately her.
Great post man. I hope in the years to come you’ll remember last night and remind yourself that you’re a survivor.
Thanks man like right now I feel low cuz I am rely realize the things I have done and the people I have hurt and things I have said and never meant to
I’m sorry but talk to family- my family would rather I was dead then be a disgrace. We run a policy in my family keep your mouth shut about suicide and we will care about you. The second you open your mouth you will be punished.
Eh… I don’t mind the situation… but I had to point out quite often the reason why people are suicidal is their family. Reaching out to them as option… I think I’d rather sit here and enjoy my pizza. Would you like a slice?
Sure haha
So glad you’re OK, was seriously worried about you last night, people will always care about you, glad you spoke to you’re father, keep talking it’s the best thing to do, take care.
I know I just fell so bad
That1guy, I’m sorry for my flippant reply to your comment on my post, I had no idea what you went through last night as I hadn’t read the post. I hope you are starting to recover from the overdose…your emotions will probably be all out of whack for a while, it’s really good that you realized you’re meant to be alive, something good came out of this and your dad was there for you, also the people here.
It’s fine and thanks for understanding and yea my emotions are everywhere and idk what to feel right now
Thank you, guy94, it is much appreciated that you write and share this. I think you are beautiful. Best wishes!
Thank you and hope all is well with you