I’m sick and tired of waiting to hear back from my boyfriend. I heard my sister on the phone talking about me and I’m just so fucking done with all of it. I’m sick of people. I didn’t even want to be here to begin with. She starts complaining about how I keep her up at night because I want to finish the last 15 minutes of a tv show (even though I’ll turn off the lights and try and move the screen) and tries to embarrass me publicly about how I watch MLP. Whatever suck it. Seriously. I don’t give a fuck that I watch it because it helps me sleep. But it’s totally fine that she just turns on the light when I’m trying to sleep or how she stays up late texting and I don’t give her any shit about it. I feel bad that she has trouble sleeping but she wakes me up all the time and I don’t yell at her about that. And like today, she goes off about how I waste her time, and how she hates her time being wasted and keeps telling me that I’m wasting her time because I wanted to finish an episode of law and order before we went to dinner. I said that we should just agree on a time and she was like “that never works so I don’t bother.” So I try and explain that the situation is not going to fix itself and she will keep getting frustrated otherwise. It’s hard to explain. It’s like when she takes a while to get ready to leave, and I’m ready to go, she’ll tell me there’s no rush, but if I’m late she’ll say I’m wasting her time and how I’m so selfish. I try and help out and do all the dishes since she’s letting me stay with her and pays for food. The thing is, I didn’t even want to stay and live with her but she convinced me that it would be a good idea since my boyfriend’s mother is horrible. I feel like I just live with crazy people who take everything out on me and there’s no escape from it. And my own mother is totally ecstatic that she gets to play the victim because I don’t want her in my life anymore. She’s practically the happiest I’ve seen her, being able to demonize me as the bad daughter and talk shit about me to her friends for sympathy while trying to make me feel guilty. I get that my sister gets depressed as well and I understand why it must be frustrating for my boyfriend to be with me. She never wants to go out, is unenthusiastic about food and events and other things. It’s kind of like me with my boyfriend, except he’s the one who always wants to go out when I would rather stay in. I really just want to off myself. This is not worth dealing with. Even if I go back to NY to be with my boyfriend I’m always dealing with other people who can’t seem to deal with me. I don’t think I can afford my tuition for this fall semester anyway, even if I was working and taking out full loans. I hate the situation I am in. I hate that aspects of my mother are reflected in my own behavior and my sister’s. I hate these people who are trying to “help” me but in the end they are all the same. I hate living here. I want to die.