am i beyond help?

I watched this movie today called gimmie shelter.the girl basically had a hard life crazy mother rich dad who didnt want her.but in the end she got her happy ending.i would say only in the movies but this was based off a true story.what i wonder is why cant i ever get things right.this girl probably still has worries and hardships but her life will still be better than mine. Cause she got the help she needed.im twenty one all i think about is suicide and its starting to seem like thats all i know.and that would be great except ive never made an attempt that would end me permenately im weak and a coward. No one will help cause they see me as the boy who cried wolf.the attention seeker.but i dont do suicide for attention i do cause sometimes i just need to escape.i need to be away.i get escape out of killing myself.i get escape believeing im going to die up until the point were im brought back.i know if i complete suicide ill be scared but at peace.my family god will take care of them but right now there being dragged to hell with me at some point i got to cut the rope.im not going to make an attempt until after my birthday and apart of me wants to never attempt again but then the pain wont end and things will happen that i don’t want to have happen.i need help but i think im beyond it at this point