Okay, in the past week I’ve run the full spectrum of emotions. From depression, to anxiety, to straight out mania. Right now I’m manic. While I’d rather be manic than depressed. However, rather than those I would rather just feel like myself. Quiet, introverted, shy, but still secure in myself enough to know my worth. Right now I’m everything but that. Excitable, fidgety, talkative, basically sprung as though I’m about to run a 10k. Don’t like this. It’s a trap! I’m telling myself I’m more productive in this state but that’s just a lie. In actuality, nothing gets finished. Everything is left half complete, which the irony of this is not lost on me. Because that’s exactly the way I feel…when I’m depressed. I’d still rather be manic though. To feel like your the queen of you domain, nothing can go wrong, not a single thing can rain on your parade, invincible. I can withstand a bullet, or a fast car hitting me. At least that’s the life my mind tells me. I will enjoy this feeling, all the while reminding myself that I am in fact human and not the goddess the mania claims. All I can say for this, LIFE IS GREAT!!!
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Well its good that you can keep productive when you are in mani mode. Even if you only get tings halfway done Your at least getting something done. I have had mania come upon me a few tims in my life and when it does My mind goes like swirling around in a million miles and hour and I cant focus and I get this paranoi feeling like everyody is trying to kill me. Once it happened to me when was driving and I wound up getting lost on the way to a place I had been a hundred times and I felt like people were chasing me and swerving this way and thhat way and then lost.
It was scary other times I hit mania and wanted to end my life to make it stop and that didnt turn out so good either. So I hope your mania stays managble for you.
I have been through all the emotions. Sadness, hopless, depressed, suicidal and hevey deperssion that kept me in bed hald the day and I know its no picnic. But hng in there you soun optimistic and that is good thing. Keep busy with positive things and let us know how your making out.