I came home from a 12 hour shift at work, and saw this old picture in my phone. We seemed so happy at the time, and all I can think about is how much we were in love, but now as the tears stre down my face, all I can think about is the pain. When I’m alone, I can’t help but have dark thoughts of ending it all because I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You were the one that made life worth living. I know that people say that I’ll get over it, but right now the only thing I’m trying to get over is the urge to put my lips around a shotgun barrel, but I’m to much of a coward to ever do it, I’d rather kill myself slowly with drugs and alchohol I guess. I just wish things could be like they used to be.
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I Know how you feel, and i’m so sorry. I think you should find someone to talk too? That’s all i want in the world right now, someone to hold me and tell me it’ll be ok…. If there’s anyone that can do that for you, talk to them…
The saddest thing is that she used to be the one that I could talk to about all my problems. I’ve just been working a lot to keep my mind off of it. I do have a lot of friends at work, and their helpful, but I don’t tell them everything, like the thoughts of suicide. But they do help distract me.
I understand, i do the same, being at work or being with people will take your mind off it. Its the feeling of not having the one person you love and the one person you would pick out of every single person on the planet not with you. I know that pain and that rejection. It’s when you’re alone, that’s when it creeps in…. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened with you two?
Well, when we first started dating, it seemed that she loved me more than I loved her, but then I found that she was the one person that I could be around and be myself. We used to spend every day together, like literally every single day. Then one day, She told me that she didn’t know who she was, and she needed to find out who she was, and she didn’t want to hold me back from living my life, but I told her that she wasn’t holding me back because whenever I was with her, that was the place I wanted to be, and that worked for a while, but one day she just shut me out completely, and I haven’t seen her in over two weeks.
But if I’m being honest, I should have seen this coming, she started to seem distant, and she asked for the necklace she gave me back, she said her mother said it was inappropriate because it was given to her by her grandfather. I really should have seen it coming though. It’s my fault for trying to make this fantasy last.
I can’t under any circumstances claim to know how you feel. I can’t say it will get better. I am at the lowest point in my life due to loss of my family, and i am in no position to tell you it will get better. I don’t think my life will get better, it gets worse every day. I just want you to know, I know a pain only vaguely similar to yours. I try to hold on, but my grip gets weaker with every passing moment. It seems so hypocritical of me, as i prepare to let go, but try to hold on. That’s why we all are here, to help each other in our moment of crisis.
Thank you, that’s my favorite thing about this site really. Everyone is really caring and supportive.
i hope you try to hold on too. I couldn’t imagine that pain myself, given that I’ve never really had much of a family, but I hope things get better for you.