So around a year ago I was the worst I think I’ve ever been, I was covered in cuts, barely eating, throwing up everything I did eat and overdosing around 3 times a week. I lost my friends and my family were just ashamed of me. I was kicked out of college and lost my job. I attempted recovery for around 8 months after coming out of a short stay in hospital, but now, just as I thought it was all getting better, I can’t stop thinking about suicide. The only person I’ve ever truly loved decided it is possible to be totally 100% in love with someone and then not be less than 12 hours later, I’ve been told by a mutual friend that he was probably just stressed, and that it was obvious in his face how upset he was. But if he was that upset why would he keep hurting me? I’m so confused with everything and I have a constant headache and honestly suicide seems like my best option. Sorry for this being so long, I just needed to let this out of my head. Thank you if you read this far.
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After you left the hospital, did you continue seeking/receiving support? The hospital can be a place to slow things down, catch your breath, and get some assistance. It’s often important, after leaving the hospital, to continue seeking support. Therapy can help… sometimes medication. Without getting follow-up care, sometimes you fall back into the cycle you previously found yourself in. If there is a provider you can call to share how you’re feeling and seek advice, I would call them. You mentioned that you were confused and sometimes it helps to talk through situations… receive feedback… and see if the advice works for you. Relationships can be tough… but they aren’t worth losing a life for.
I know things are tough now but they don’t always have to be.