I try. I try to do everything. I try to keep you happy. I try to really hard to keep you from getting upset. I try to get everything done. I try to finish what I start. I try to make you happy.
I try to be a good mom. I try not to give too much advice or leeway, but it seems I just cant find the right balance.
I try to be there for you when you need someone. I try to make myself available to you for just about everything. I try to make sure your always comfortable. I try to keep the house “company worthy”.
I try to make sure you have money when you need it. I try to make sure you can smoke if you need to . I try to be there for you and make sure that you are where you need to be if there is somewhere you need to go.
I try to keep on good terms with the landlords and to make sure that the rent is paid on time. I try to keep the bills current (when I can pay on-time) if not then I try to make arrangements. I try to keep up with all the paperwork that is required to keep the assistance that we need.
I try to stay on top of appointments and deadlines aren’t missed.
I try to talk to you – to figure out any and every need you have. I try to understand you thoughts and your angles on everything. I try to always see your point of view. I try to respect your wishes.
I try to figure out your feelings. I try to be sure that you are happen when you have time on your hands. I try to make sure you can enjoy your hobbies.
I try to keep myself at a functioning level so that I can continue to do / try to do all of these things. I try not to get over emotional. I try not to read too much into your actions. I try to give you your space. I try to take your advice on just about everything. I try to figure out what is right and what is wrong for me to do as far as medications and doctors are concerned.
I try to make good decisions regarding my son and my grandson, my daughters, you and I, my grandmother and my mom and a whole host of other things.
I try to communicate – especially with you.
2 comments
I can’t find the right words to tell you how beautiful this was to me. I’m not a mom but somehow I can related about how hard is trying to live and give everything for the ones we love. I cried by the end of reading it.
Right now I’m in a moment when I try everything to make the one I love happy, and I try and try and try and try and try, and somehow I can’t see him smiling. And that’s breaking me apart. But I try again, and I know maybe he will notice someday.
I’m glad that this spoke to you and that you could relate. I always feel like all I do is try to make sure that everyone else is okay and I don’t matter. and in some situations that is true. In my opinion anyway.
I know what you mean about wanting to make the one you love smile and not being able to. That is the boat that I am in. At the same time I see pictures of him before we met and I can see on his face and in his body language just how happy he is. Then I wonder what the hell is wrong with me that I cant even make him grin. It seems that the more and the harder I try , the more I mess up and ruin everything.
I cant wait till this is over……