It is dark and getting darker by the moment

I am writing from a deep dark hole. I do not feel that my life is worth living. I am depressed because I have worked all year, and now that Christmas is here, I have no money to spend on my family for Christmas presents. I spent all of my hard earned money paying bills – medical and dental bills, car repair and insurance.

My employer is a remorseless entity. They work you to death,pay you nothing and treat you like dirt. I have tried but am unable to fins another employer.  I feel so guilty. I have no friends to share my experiences with. My family lives very far away and are of no help. I would go to a doctor for anti-depressive drugs, but there is no money for that either. My question is this: if I do go to hell, can it be any worse than this?

My future is bad as well with money problems in sight as far as the eye can see. I have no relatives to ask for money. Our family finances are cut to the bone and we still can’t make ends meet. My Wife’s job is going away at the end of the year and I am unsuccessful at trying to get another part time job. I am giving up. Why keep flogging a dead horse?

I keep asking, why not suicide? may be someone can give me a reason not to do it, because I can’t think of any reason at all.