Been a while since i’ve been on, and boy does it feel nice to be here again.
Things have changed so quickly, it’s all hard to deal with some times. There’s too much going on right now. If anyone could give me advice i’d be greatful.
Now I live with my mom and siblings, stepdad is finally out of the picture (yay!) but as great as that is, it means the moneys out of the picture too. My mom has been unemployed since we moved here and hasn’t thought about about finding another job. We’re barely scraping by and everytime I bring it up to my mom she just cries and says she’s doing her best but it makes me so angry. Her best? After school I work at a disgusting Waffle House for 7 hours and sometimes more if i’m lucky. If you have people relying on you, depending on you for food and a place to live and all the utilities that have to be on then please give me some type of way to cope with it. After school it’s the same. Work for hours, serving rude people and coming home smelling like burnt toast and bacon. Walking home takes me an hour since I cant afford to waste money calling a taxi. I get home at 1am, try to study,sleep, and wake up at 6am and start all over. I cry because I know I’m not enough. I can’t take care of us all on my own. I just started my junior year and I’m trying to keep my head afloat with my education but i’m too tired to pay attention and I end up failing classes. All my paychecks go to keeping us alive. I’m afraid to tell my mom we’re short 120$ on the rent. I don’t know what to do but panic. If I tell her she’ll just cry more..what do I do? Last time this happened I sold some games to a pawnshop but the next thing to go is my computer but even then I know it wont be enough. How do I be an adult?
10 comments
You dont have to be the adult. This is your mother’s responsibilities. sure you can help her, but to sacrifice your education, health and time is not right. You have a great future ahead of you, dont let your mom’s weakness take that away from you, or else, you’ll be as troubled as she is now; struggling to put food on the table and struggling to pay rent. Give her some time, if she really cares, she’ll do something. If she wont, she is an unfit mother and should no longer be your guardian.
Its been this way for months, I fear she won’t ever try to do something
you should really talk to your mom, she’s that kind of person, she might still be devastated after your step-dad left. Has she always been dependant on men for a living? Do you have other siblings? Your family needs help, and you can’t do it alone, if your mom loves you, she should be able to see your sacrifice for the family and wouldn’t let you carry the burden. If there’s nothing else you can do, you should find other decent jobs with suitable work hours, or else your study will suffer. I really dont wanna see you having to live a difficult life forever.
Yeah pretty much. Always one guy after the other. Waffle house was the only one I could find that was in walking distance from my house and could work with my school hours
You don’t have to, you already do more than enough. Hell, i know people who would run away from their family instead of helping (seen it happen) without even worrying about the people they left behind. Do what you can, but nag your mom (in a good way so she can’t fight back) to do her part as well, otherwise she’ll just end up relying on you and do nothing… she should be the one providing, and from the looks of it you are doing a better job than her, lol. So don’t even think you’re not enough.
Haha c: thanks. Hopefully she snaps out of this funk soon. It’s a burden I cant bear anymore. If us being evicted doesn’t make her realize it then nothing will.
Your mother should go on welfare if she can’t or won’t find work. I’ve been in a similar boat once, barely scraping by and close to ending up on the street. It really changed me and now I have a fairly secure, though lower-level white collar job.
My mother was the sole income earner and her health both mental and physical was going down the drain. Plus we lived in a terrible place where we had constant fights with people in the same building and with the landlord-but fortunately we always made the rent, dodged being evicted a few times because of the fights I mentioned.
Once I found my job (very hard to find anything decent where I live), then we were able to move into a much better place, not great but at least we have peace of mind and no fights with other people. Now we’re going to either buy or rent a house since our income has improved.
Going back to your situation-if your siblings can work, even part-time they should help out. I’m sure your mother can find something-if she has no health problems, then you just need to gently but firmly make her understand you guys could end up on the street if she doesn’t work. Sometimes you might have to get harsh with her-because some people don’t want to leave their little bubble, but it’s important to do that.
Secondly, get a vehicle, if you can’t afford a car, then think of an electric scooter, they’re only a few hundred dollars, so you don’t waste an hour walking to work. Failing that, get a bike, it’ll make your trip faster and safer (physically) for you.
Also if your mom is useless/will never work, then you should look for a better paying job. Considering the crappy job you’re in, you could lose it easily and then you’re all screwed. In Canada, the welfare system is fairly generous and if your mom has a physical or mental disability, she can apply for permanent disability and they’ll cover her. Anyhow good luck and I think it’s very noble what you’re doing. If you can get your mom’s head straight, she’ll be very grateful to you and be a big help to you in the future.
My sisters are too young to get proper jobs and I wouldn’t want them to fear about what bill needs to be today rather then tomorrow. There’s nothing wrong with my mom, she’s just lazy. Too dependant on everyone else but has never been self sufficient. I wanted to save up for any type of transportation but its hard when everything has to be paid now or it’ll be shut off and I have no wiggle room when it comes to paying bills. Thank you for the advice though, c:
I greatly admire your willingness to help your family rather than run from the situation (as a commenter above mentioned), but it’s true that taking care of things financially is mostly your mother’s responsibility. That weight should most definitely not rest on your shoulders solely.
As someone already commented, I too am concerned that your mother may become used to relying on you the longer this continues. At the end of the day, this entire situation is unfair to you – especially at such a young age – and you have every right to speak up about it. Best wishes.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Thank you