I do not want to live anymore.

I can not see myself living a long life based on what has occurred for the past 21 years. I feel like an embarrassment because the only thing I did was screw up things myself by allowing others to treat me like shit and go along with certain bullshit to feel accepted. I’ve developed a state of partial isolation because my lack of social interaction has resulted from be being afraid to become close to anyone and whenever I try to people think I am weird or mean because I am so timid to continue a conversation. When you have experienced sexual, physical, and mental abuse regularly your entire life. Just what the fuck are you supposed to feel? I do not know if I have the worst luck imaginable, but when you have well over 90% of the people involved in your life hurt you while you did nothing to provoke these intentions consciously YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE it kinda fucks you up. I am tired of having people befriend me and then develop a 180 degree change in how they associate with me and I am continuously baffled to the point where I feel cursed by witchcraft. I may be a pushover but I do not deserve to be used as a beating stick because you’re all cruel immoral cuntbags that need to feel a little better about insignificant bullshit going on in your life. I accepted it and every time I fought back I would just be called psycho because you’re brain is so small you can not comprehend the fact that it’s not okay to treat people like garbage or I happen do attract every single sociopath alive? FUCK every single person who treated me like a sub par human being not worthy of being treated how you fucking want to be treated. I do not know how much more I can take of this bullshit. Any minute now my significant other will likely attempt to pursue interests with others like I know he has tried before and it tears my soul into shreds every day more and more because I can not even find someone willing to fully commit to being my companion. I suppose a large amount could be said here and I could ramble on for hours but this is what came to me first. I think I should run away, develop a new name, and start my life 100% over because clearly this is not working.