1 am

I shouldn’t be awake right now. I have to be up for work at 6. But I can’t sleep. I’ve been heartbroken over the same person for a year now. As soon as i start to forget him, he contacts me again. I just spoke to him and I feel like the worst kind of person because I’m seeing someone else. But he and I were together for two years. We were engaged. And then he cheated. I’m in college and lost my biggest scholarship because I don’t have enough hours. I now owe $1000 that I don’t have. I’m doing so badly in some of my classes that I don’t even know if I’ll make it through this semester. I can’t focus. I’m so scared of failing that the stress is causing my failure. How can that be? I can usually pick myself up and put on a brave face, but my depression and anxiety are getting the best of me. When I finally fall asleep tonight, it will be with a silent prayer that I don’t wake up. Why do I feel this way? How do I make it go away? I struggle to get out of bed each morning and now I feel like I’m drowning. Somethings got to give. I feel like I’m going through this alone. I know I put myself in this situation. Its my own fault. But right now, I could really use someone to lean on and it feels like everyone is running away. I feel inadequate in everything I do. I feel like such a failure. I feel utterly pathetic. How do I make this stop?