I’m 23 with a 5 & a half year old daughter. I met my fiancée when my daughter turned 1 and I fell head over heals in love with him. We moved quickly & he proposed. A year after proposing he finished with me saying he was unhappy etc. For a year after this we met up every week as there was still so much love there. Eventually after a year of secretly being together, we made it official & became a couple again. In this time he had joined the army (something I’ve always supported him with) and he proposed to me again in March.
He’s based in another country & we could see eachother every few weeks. He was home at the weekend for a friends wedding, we argued because he stayed out drinking all night before the wedding. The wedding came & after a few awkward conversations we decided to enjoy ourselves. On the way home from the wedding I had a massive panic attack, brought on by an uneasy feeling that he was going to end it. When we woke on the Sunday we spoke everything through & decided to give it another go because we loved eachother. I dropped him at the airport & then my daughter had to go for an operation on Monday. I called him to tell him the operation was a success and within the hour he had ended things with me. He said he’s unhappy, he needs to let me become ‘me’ again and he never wants to get back together like we did last time. I have tried absolutely everything to convince him & he’s promised there’s nobody else. He says he wants to concentrate on his career & we want different things. He doesn’t want to get married, have kids or live together.
I cant even put into words how I’m feeling. I know it’s selfish on my daughters part but I really don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t live without him, the thought of someone else being with him is making me ill – iv had numerous panic attacks since, I’m not eating or sleeping and he won’t even answer the phone to me. Everything’s getting done through texts. He keeps telling me to forget about him but I physically can’t do it. I can’t see a light at the end of this tunnel. I just want to go to sleep & not wake up again because I feel like my hearts been ripped out. Every time I think of him, I feel like my chest is caving in. I just want to be with him so much :'(
6 comments
Im convinced all human “love” is one way, its ####in ####, in my experience it all starts out like sunshine & unicorns in magic fairy tale land but sooner or later only one of the couple ends up giving a ###t, real love doesnt fade, marriage vows are more like stating the obvious to thick as ###k people than guidelines or conditions – vows are basically saying “look numbys, people that love each other AUTOMATICALLY take care of each other in sickness & health, for better for worse, etc” … I actually just registered to post a VERY similar tale to yours, I was hoping to bow out today but there again I was hoping to yesterday but I seem to be getting a guts shortage :/ I wish you well Miss, I dont think you are a coward, just lost…. Like me – Bless.
I recently lost my girlfriend partially due to my recurring bouts with depression and suicidal thoughts, but mostly because I am a gigantic idiot. I know the pain you speak of where it makes you ill to think of them with someone else. Anyway, after reading your story, I don’t think this guy is worth your time. If he tells you that you need to change or refuses to be with you then he just isn’t worth it. The hard times will pass, and you will find someone better who deserves you. Right now focus on you and your daughter and getting better. Love does hurt oh so much, but if this man will not stay with you or even put the effort in to be with you, he’s not worth your time. I hope you find a guy who not only brings you happiness again but also deserves to be with you. Everyone on this site is rooting for you, and I sure as hell am too. I may not know you personally, but I know and understand how it feels to carry the burden of a broken heart around each day, and I promise you that you are going to make it and be happy again.
I honestly can’t say I’ve been in your situation because I clearly haven’t but I just wanna say that you and your daughter deserve someone way better than him. I understand that you love him so much it hurts but just remember there has to be rain before a rainbow. Everything is gonna get better. There’s someone out there that’s meant to be with you so I hope you get through these hard times and find your happiness. If you can’t do it for you, do it for your daughter that will need you so much later on in life.
I can’t really do anything but I want you to know that my pray and love goes for you.
I’m here rooting for you too, and I superbly agree with @Anon313131 that he doesn’t worth your pain. A person can change. A person can disappoints. And you need to survive and fighting for the sake of your children. Take some new activities, meet new positive people, doing some new social work at church maybe. A little step maybe the beginning of great journey.
Please do take care, @yorkie2805.
I don’t understand why well-meaning people can say things that are of no use or help. This belief of “you will find someone better” and all its variants, are absolute madness to someone obviously still in love.
If you can’t recognize this by reading her post, then why even comment? You think that pointing out the obvious is going to help her in any way? You don’t think she knows this guy is not good for her? You think she’s stupid?
She knows all this very well. She also probably knows that he’s not coming back. But her heart can’t stop loving him. No matter how hard she tries, no matter how the logical side of her tells her he’s no good for her, she still can’t stop wanting to be with him.
So telling her to forget him and move on and find someone better is just a smack to her face. I know you mean well. I know you want to help. But if you don’t know how, you are probably making things worse.
To the OP: I understand your pain and your dilemma. You can’t turn your love on and off like a switch. Some people can. Some, like us, can’t. Your heart belongs to him and only him. I recognize the feeling.
I wish I could tell you that it will get better or it will go away. I can’t. Maybe it will, because every situation is unique. But if you are anything like me, and I suspect that you are, this may be a permanent thing.
The big difference is that you have a daughter. She needs you. She is your salvation. I know the pain you have in your heart. I know you’re suffering every second of every day. But you have no choice but to live with all that. For your daughter.
As much pain as I carry in my heart, I know that I wouldn’t try to kill myself if I still had my ex-fiancée’s kids in my life. Even one of the three. I just couldn’t do it if they still loved me and needed me.
Living with the pain will feel impossible at times. Thoughts of suicide will enter your mind. But you have to push them back. You have a little girl that needs her mother. You have to survive for her.
Please keep posting if it helps you. I will keep responding while I’m still here. If you want to, go back and read my posts. They might help you.
We all understand that she still loves this person and that she is aware of the situation, and we all know our words will do little to change said situation, but sometimes it’s nice to hear encouraging words from someone. I’m going through a similar situation to you and the OP (I already spoke of it in my original comment so sorry for being repetitive) and it’s literally worse than dying and being in hell or whatever one’s belief is of an afterlife, but human beings will always want and need positive support and caring. It is the unfortunate fault of the depressed mind to perceive that things will always be the same and never get better, and it is our responsibility to do our best to encourage a fellow depression sufferer to seek to change that state of mind. Not only do we mean well, but we genuinely care about this person’s situation, which is why we chose to comment. We try to encourage others suffering through great pain because we are feeling it too and it breaks our hearts to see another person suffer, and for many of us (like me and you) we just can’t seem to move on or get the help we need, so that’s probably our motivation to send encouragement and positive thoughts. Pertaining to your personal situation, it makes me sad to see that you too have lost the person you gave your heart to and I hope you have found at least some level of peace or healing. Apologies if I sound rude or I didn’t make much sense about mine or other commenters’ mindsets in posting encouraging words, and please feel free to reply any time (if I’m sounding like a passive-aggressive ass please tell me, I’m working hard not to be like that any more and I’m deeply sorry if I have come across that way). I am completely with you in hoping the OP keeps posting, I’d like to know if they’re doing okay.