Ok ok I’m gonna try to calm myself down enough to make sense… I’m a veteran infantryman/machine gunner from the US Marines, I’m 27 next month, and I have a 2yr old son& and baby on the way… Regardless, I lost my job, I’m in Australia with no family, my partner can’t come with me for many months if I leave and I can’t take my son from her… It would kill her. My life has been contemplated in the past and now I don’t know what what to do. I’m not gonna be one of these ones that get into elaborate plans of suicide, I’d have done it years ago but my son is the thing that stopped me. I love him so much, he’s my buddy. I have told my partner it’s not about us anymore, it’s about him, the day he was born it was about ensuring he has the best life possible, but how can one accomplish this when it is nearly impossible? My life consisted of a childhood torn from an American military father by an Australian mother, my sister turned to pornography and I turn to murdering people for the government. I’m a recluse, I choose to steer away from society out of fear. I spend all my days at work (when I have a job) and with my son and partner. She is an Australian and therefore bound to Australia until we are married, thus why she can’t come if I leave and my son I will not tear away from her. She also has two sons to her ex which pains me to tear her away from. I have no job prospects back home nor here. Our savings are dwindling like a candle in the wind, and I fear what is to come out of love for my little man. I do not want to kill myself Because of the love he and I share, but I fear it will soon happen as I need to leave in hopes to set up a better life back home for them but the chances I will fail and I will not see them for a long time if I leave. But if I stay we are surely doomed as we cannot get ahead. I served my country honourably, I don’t understand what I have done in life to deserve this bad luck. If I spent hours on her I’d explain a whole life of luck, not good but bad. Is luck real or is it being in the right place at the right time or the wrong place at the wrong time? Because of the government protocols my partner is left her and I am forced to leave, I am a godson person, a good father, a strong worker, but not a strong enough person to handle what I’ve done in my life and fight this fight anymore. Life is too hard these days, I worked hard and lost everything.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
Semper fi, jarhead. Another veteran marine who had a radio talk show in my town used to say the government taught him to “kill people and break things”. How is such an efficient machine supposed to re-integrate into normal life? Well I don’t know if that’s even one of your problems, but it definitely sounds like you’re a fish out of water.
If you feel like you’re losing your grip, I would say it’s time to get tactical. Every soldier I’ve ever met has that quality of being able to focus under fire, that’s probably the first thing they train you. So now it may not be bullets and grenades; instead it’s unemployment, bills, immigration bs, and the most lethal enemy of all: emotions. But surely you have the skills you need to deal with overwhelming opposition?
Your son is your saving grace and I’m sure he loves you just as much as you love him. Let that saving grace keep. The options are few and I know that it seems like your in a corner but try taking things one step at a time. Try figuring it out. If you need a friend feel free to talk but you are a good person and your not under water for long. You won’t be there forever