I know this is going to sound crazy/weird…..
I literally hate myself. I am a guy, 35 years of age, yet I have missed out on so many great things in life. As a child, and even today, I cannot bear to walk around without a shirt on etc. It has made me become anti social, because I feel I am so ugly I don’t deserve anyone to like me. Yes I am still single because of this, and have no confidence in myself what so ever. I fail at everything I do, get laughed at lot when I make a mistake, so now I never go out. I am always hitting myself (ever since I was a kid) because I am so ugly. I hated the fact that when I was a kid, all the other kids my age had great bodies, no hair on their back, and care free, and I wish I could be like them. I blame myself because I was born ugly. Even today, guys my age look great, and walk around on beaches shirtless and I can see they really enjoy life. I have never enjoyed life. I even hate it when someone wants to hug me, I mean I am ugly, why would someone want to touch me. My life today consist of going to work, and then spending the nights and weekends locked up in my house to scared to face the world. Everyday I am wondering why am I here, for what. What am I supposed to do with my life. I have tried committing suicide plenty times, yet here I still am. Why am I being punished like this. Why was I not born with confidence and fun in me? So this weekend I really want to end because I can’t carry on anymore.
6 comments
I feel you. I hate my genes too.
But I must admit that there’s a big difference between healthy, happy, groomed me, and lonely, binge-eating, unwashed, ungroomed, self-loathing me. One is relatively attractive (I think), the other, not so much.
I hate my self as much.
I am transgender (mtf), but thanks to my genetics I see very little purpose on proceeding with hormone therapy. I will still not be satisfied with my looks, I live in a country where transgender people are killed left and right, plus I am already 25 years old, I already a huge part of a person’s better years. Why bother?
I often ask, too, why I was born this way. Are there reincarnations? I mean, did I fuck up other people’s lives in the past and I am paying for my sins in my current life? Or there’s nothing supernatural and I am just >really< unlucky? I don't know what to think. It's just keeps getting harder and harder to find the strength to keep living. I don't want to destroy my close ones emotionally, but I don't want to keep being tortured by my mind every day either. Therapy really isn't helping much either…
If you aren't lucky to be born cisgender, beautiful, perhaps wealthy and in a good country, chances are living will most likely suck for you.
I agree Millefeui. Most people also want “good looking” people to be their friends, I mean, really now, friends? I have noticed that the good looking ones are always the most successful in life: business, finances, relationships etc, why because they are good looking, they get noticed and it makes them feel confident, and confidence brings success. Others like me battle because of lack of confidence of our looks, people realise that, and walk all over you and push you aside like you are some piece of dirt. Always happens to me at work, I work my ass off, and when an opening comes open, some “good looking” person who hasn’t even been at the company as long as I have, gets the job. Sad part is, he couldn’t do the job properly and I had the skills and experience and willingness to do it. Soi he gets to live an awesome life, drive a nice car etc because of his looks. Why must I bother living then if this is how it is going to be!!!
Exactly. Having a good appearance is a must in this world if you don’t want to struggle to live during your whole life. And even if it wasn’t, I would still want to have a good appearance, obviously. Call me vain, shallow or whatever, but to me beauty is essential.
Now, you know what the funny thing is? Even good looking people can be fucked up in the mind as us, not-good-looking-people. Just look at Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain and other famous, pretty and wealthy people who took their own lives for whatever reason. Such a waste.
Appearance isn’t everything. I’ve even seen the ugliest guys with average type body hanging around with hot pretty chicks. I’ve also figured out the reason behind their success. Most of them are jerks. Wonder why do jerks gets the hottest girls to date with? A jerk is someone who is self-confident with high self esteem and is a leader.
For woman appearance of a man doesn’t really matter,for most women.
I’m a good looking guy and guess what? I have noone. Not even a single friend. I have never even touched a girl. Why? Because I’m a fucking nice guy with that social phobia shit disease. I tried everything that could work,some things worked for a while but the effect wasn’t permanent. Shit!
So if you have a decent self-esteem, self-confidence will come in your Soul on its own,no matter how ugly or shorty you are. Damn,I have the tools in my hands but I still can’t fucking help myself because I need someone to work with,to encourage me. Obviously the one who is suffering with this same shit.
“An ugly man with a decent self-esteem is found attractive by women, by everyone”.