why am i still alive?

i cannot say i have been in your position yet i know the feeling of being suicidal, when there seems to be no hope left, when everything feels like a big void of darkness embracing you.

There’s often none that wants to listen but we can speak if you wish, im not english however but i hope you will understand me.

Here’s my msn: Patricio__one@hotmail.com

Dear Friend
One man who is close to you has treated you very badly and you decided you weren’t worth it. Of course you’re worth it. What grandfather would say what he said and do what he did?
Your brother and sister love you I’m sure. And other people say there’s nothing wrong with you and I bet they’re right. Though I do know it’s easier for one person to cause you pain than a hundred to make you happy. You need to discover your self esteem and confidence again. I’m not sure how you could do that. Maybe just try going out more with friends? You’ll feel a lot better if you’re not around your grandfather.
And remember that you are growing up and that in a few more years, you’ll never have to see him. So keep growing and working so you can get away from him.
All my love, Jack. x

I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain. Yes, it happened four years ago, but the pain continues until you can see what happened from a different point of view. But I am also glad that you have heard from friends that you are not what he said. Funny how it’s easier to “believe him, than believe your friends.” And yet that is so common.
Please know that your grandpa’s words may be more about how bad he was feeling in his own life. Perhaps he took out those feelings on your because you were a child and he could get away with it. What he said was not true.
What he said hurt you very much. But that doesn’t make it
true. Someday I hope you will realize that you are unique and special and worthy of love. You never deserved that treatment. It was your grandfathers way of coping with his own issues. This does not excuse his behavior because what he told you was wrong and untrue.
The best thing you can do is live your life showing yourself and others that you are not the person he described. This gives you the power in your life; not him.
I know you are hurting today. I hope that tomorrow you will have a better day. Please know that there are people who understand and care about you. I do.
Wishing you peace in your heart and the recognition that you are who you choose to be, not what someone else says you are. Sleep peacefully; you do matter!

Um, well, not to put too fine a point on it – your *grandfather’s* the one who’s the asshole.

Next time he hits you? Punch him back. And if you’re afraid he’ll hurt you even more, then at least shout at him, “Stop hitting me!” Really loud, as loud as you can, so everyone can hear it. So they can stop pretending it’s not happening to you. Tell him, “If you hit me again, I’m calling the cops!” Then walk over and start dialing the phone.

In fact, the next time he tries to hit you, report him. This is called abuse, and it’s illegal.

I’m sorry your friends don’t support you, that sucks.