For what it’s worth, I’m glad that you didn’t die then and that you are still alive now. I wish I had some nice words to give you some encouragement like I’ve tried to do in the past but I’m completely useless. You do matter though. You really do. I hope that one day you get a break from all the bad and find some good that doesn’t break.

It must not be that rare. I too was better a few months ago (and though the murky gloom of sadness is always there, I was actually happier than I’d ever been), but then it just all fell apart like it always does. I’m hoping the pieces can be put back together, even if it takes longer and more effort to do so. I’m worried there’s nothing I can do though.
Hopefully what’s most precious to you can be fixed as well. The things most precious to us are always worth trying for, so if it means that much, don’t give up. It’s nice to know you had something better in your life for a while. I wish you a lot more good.