So the other day I was in a kik chat with 35 people who have use or still use SP as a place to vent. A few people recently joined the chat after being away from sp and chat fot at least a year, and they had seemingly moved on with their life. So they were discussing their time they spent here in this community, and I began reading.
The conversation went something like this,
Person 1 – “I’m so glad that time of my life is over…”
Person 2 – “Yeah, we poured so much of ourselves and emotions into SP, it was really hard
There was more to the conversation, but you get the idea of where it was headed. Now personally, I have never really seen this forum or the chat rooms as a cloister of trials, but more of a place to supplement social interaction in my very lacking life, and vent when needed. I made some friends, but I found those relationships to be predictably 1 dimensional and 9/10 geared towards sex in some way. I mean let’s face lonely peoples is horny too, amirite? Anyway, on to my initial point, I’ve never looked at this place as a struggle, misery brought me here, but if I let this place perpetuate my misery how would that be constructive at all? Why would you dwell in a place about misery, just to make your life more intolerable. Could it be compared to burrito misery, like it’s wonderful going in, by causes rectal wide devastation?
That brings me to ask the question, what exactly was making these people so miserable. It seems to me that the majority of the younger crowd who dwells here live a life most would consider socially fruitful, in settings that many would view as lavish. They’re overreacting to stimuli that is simply laughable, and the overreaction could be liken in disproportion to getting a D- on a physics exam and treating it like they’re a Jew running from the Gestapo during WWII. These people shouldn’t be humored, but time and time again they’re catered to. Maybe because their problems are simple and easy to address? Either way, it just seems that this gross overreaction is given too much credence when it should be ignored in the first place.
After being involved with these places for years I find myself slowly withdrawaling from each one month by month. I can’t humor toxic levels of grossly embellished dreams anymore. I’m thoroughly disgusted.
26 comments
How dare you come here and call people out like this? People like you make me sick. There isn’t a misery requirement for posting on this website. Everyone is entitled to feel the way they do regardless of your skewed perception of their circumstances. Get off your high horse
Everyone has a different threshold for pain, what is painful and seems like a big deal to others may seem like nothing to you. That doesn’t mean the other person’s pain isn’t valid. These people’s problems may seem small to you, but they’re big to them because everyone has a different perception. And here’s the thing with depression, it doesn’t discriminate, it doesn’t care if you’re well off or poor or weak or strong, it can affect you. And depression can make things seem worse than they are. Like I’ve been told, you’re so pretty, I would kill to look like you so you can’t possibly be depressed. Depression is a mental disorder and I’m sure to some of my problems people would say “oh there’s an easy solution to that”, but I may not see it because depression blinds you. As someone who spent a few years as a psychology major one thing they’ll tell about depressed/suicidal people is that they have blinders on and the often fail to see alternatives in a situation where people who don’t have depression would see an easy alternative. It doesn’t matter if their pain or their problems them laughable to you, because they’re not laughable to them, they’re serious to them. You don’t get to choose whose pain is valid and whose pain is not. It may not make sense to you, especially if they have a chemical imbalance. Did you know a four year old kid with bipolar was chemically imbalanced he killed himself? He was a four year old with a normal life and he was treated for bipolar, but the imbalance was so bad he killed himself anyway. So before you guy calling other people’s pain laughable and say they shouldn’t be humored remember: “Saying someone can’t be sad because others have it worse is like saying someone can’t be happy because others have it better than them.”
YES! That’s how I like it, incite rage, call in the cavalry, and when your mob is big enough lynch my post and hang it out to dry from the ban tree! Mobilize go go go!
I’m not angry, or lynching you. I just wanted too try and explain to you why maybe these small problems, seem big to someone else. I just thought maybe if I suggested why these people may feel poorly even though their lives seem good to you, you wouldn’t be so “thoroughly disgusted”. Everyone’s pain is valid, everyone’s feelings are valid because they feel their feelings and think their thoughts, not you. I wasn’t attacking, simply trying to get you to understand.
fantastic comment! Never judge a book by its cover. People aren’t always as they seem, nor are the details of their life.
You are very skilled, with language and expression.
I agree with your analysis of some posters.
I especially agree with your “more of a place to supplement social interaction” which is close to my feeling about writing these words.
Okay, fair enough, the thing is when I was that age I had the same problems, but I was resourceful enough to handle them with grace.
That’s the thing isn’t it, if you humor them on the minute and mundane, doesn’t that encourage the thought that they’re actually struggling? They should be allowed to wallow in self pity when it’s warranted, but never before hand. I feel like that reinforces the idea that they can settle for less. Just my opinion though.
That was meant to be a reply to chelle428.
So to give a little background on me, I spent two years in a psychology program at school, and I plan on being certified for counseling, but I deal with severe depression due to hereditary reasons and severe physical abuse as a child. When you counsel someone you aren’t “humoring” them because they’re problems are serious to them and should be serious to you. You may have been resourceful enough to handle, but some people aren’t. Like I said, in the case of mental illness the minute and mundane may not seem that to people. The thing is, they are actually struggling, it doesn’t matter if it seems that way to you or not. You are not teaching them to settle for less, you are teaching them to cope. You are teaching them the skills to handle what the minute and mundane so that they may move past that and learn to handle and solve bigger problems. You aren’t making them settle, you’re teaching them the basics that either due to circumstance they weren’t taught (like children of abuse often can’t cope with “everyday normal” problems) or because mental illness is preventing them from using the basics. Either way you teach them to deal with the basics, so they can deal with the more complex and move onto bigger and better. You’re simply teaching them to walk, so that they may one day run.
Communities attract all kinds of people. Maybe some members of the community think certain other people don’t belong, but unless they’re actively causing trouble and harming others, it’s really nobody else’s business as to how and where they want to spend their time.
Certainly I agree with that, everyone has their moments of weakness, but wouldn’t you agree that at a certain point when a person’s actions and complaints become redundant, that it would be a service to them to encourage them to gain control and overcome the things that plague them daily? I know that’s not what I was originally saying, but I feel like there is a middle ground for things like this. Contextually it should be evaluated on a person to person basis, but I think there’s a definitive point where enough is enough right?
Those people do exist, and I would call them people “people who are unwilling to change” or ” people who are not taking help”. You can teach someone to cope with these things, and it may take some time and it may be difficult for them, but sometimes people simply don’t want use the coping techniques or they’re unwilling to do what it takes to get better. But even with those people, you never tell them their pains, their struggles, and their feelings aren’t real. You simply tell them that they will not see the results they want if they’re unwilling to try and use the help you give them. Sometimes people do need the assistance of medication to want to get better or to feel up to trying. Usually in counseling they will have you set goals, and you can tell them that they if they don’t put the effort in, they won’t reach those goals. This still doesn’t mean that they should be turned away, and that what they are feeling isn’t real.
Ditto.
Pain is pain and your own pain is worst of all.
Frankly, bring on the kids that pretend being grounded is abuse. I read those posts and think, “how am I overreacting to my problems?”
Bring on the the sad ones that are horribly abused by life. I read those posts and think, “how silly my problems are!”
Bring on the ones that are ground down, bled dry, and discarded, yet show they care and aren’t giving up. I read those posts and I am humbled.
Every single naravite contains a lesson. The lesson may not be for you.
That is an amazing point thank you so much sir!
– they are for me!
To be honest, this website and its users have helped me more in the few months since I started contributing then seven years of “professional” help. When you reach a point where once solution is not working you search for another.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on whether or not this website is helpful or harmful. Perhaps this website does allow people to throw pity parties and invite everyone else. What’s wrong? How does it affect you? You’re not living their life and you do not need to RSVP to their pity party.
Humans will always use their power to build themselves up while destroying others. The only way we build confidence is to be better than someone else. Someone will always have it worse than someone else. That fact that we’re using the internet already shows we have it better than someone else in this world. Does that mean our pain is invalid? No. Pain is pain. Not matter how much or how little…it hurts.
I don’t see that as a good rationalization for pity pain. I feel like there should be a social force to balance this out. Also, I have many other qualms about this sort of site that have nothing to do with threshold of pain, it is simply one of my major pet peeves. Honestly after reading,
Ditto.
Pain is pain and your own pain is worst of all.
Frankly, bring on the kids that pretend being grounded is abuse. I read those posts and think, “how am I overreacting to my problems?”
Bring on the the sad ones that are horribly abused by life. I read those posts and think, “how silly my problems are!”
Bring on the ones that are ground down, bled dry, and discarded, yet show they care and aren’t giving up. I read those posts and I am humbled.
Every single naravite contains a lesson. The lesson may not be for you.”
I feel much better about this and will look at it much differently, and I will attempt to be less emotionally arrogant.
I do agree, there are definitely flaw in the system. And I won’t lie or be as idealistic to think that everyone who says they’re hurting is genuinely and not pretending to struggle for attention, but even those people are obviously lacking somewhere mentally as well because they crave pity and attention positive or negative. But its’s difficult to tell but you don’t want to end up telling someone who is actually in pain that their pain is not validated. Whether it is just for attention or it is genuine, some part of their mental health is lacking.
For anyone reading my text on this post:
DISCLAIMER:
I AM ON A CELLPHONE, DON’T NORMALLY MAKE THIS MANY ERRORS IN SPELLING GRAMMAR AND FORMATTING.
(My pride got in the way and i had to make this clear, after reading my posts I feel like a mong)
Yes, I believe dare.poe gave a good answer to your post.
You’re entitled to your opinion, and I’m glad you will look at it differently now. 🙂
“It seems to me that the majority of the younger crowd who dwells here live a life most would consider socially fruitful, in settings that many would view as lavish. They’re overreacting to stimuli that is simply laughable” — I don’t know you in person, but this part of your “rant” makes it seems like you have no empathy nor heart for people’s suffering. Don’t judge other’s pain; pain can’t be compared nor measured. Plus, people deal with pain in different ways and have different ways of coping. I won’t repeat everything that others already said, I think their comments are completely right and more than enough. I’d just like to add that sometimes people with apparent happy and perfect lives that have no “real” reasons to commit suicide end up killing themselves: I met two young people that died over their relationships, they killed themselves over breakups. You’d probably think they died over nothing, and that maybe their pain was laughable. Maybe they were just “overreacting”. I wish they had had the chance of having a place like SP. Maybe they’d still be here.
Hmm I have mounds of empathy, I just think that instead of treating simple mundane problems as an emergency people should find a different more constructive way of addressing them. If you read the comments section on it’s entirety you would notice that I am not a psychopath, and I’m very open to new schools of thought.
Also I would never consider a love lost as something laughable, that hurts at any age. I just don’t think the phrase “pain is pain” applies in every situation, and I think contextually a pain threshold should be applied. I didn’t find your comment poignant just because you used dramatic context, I just think that people should better distinguish what warrants attention.
Overall, I am walking away from this post better equipped to really take other people experiences into account, and look at them more as lessons as opposed to almost a competitive “I’m more miserable than you” bit.
I only read your reply to dare.poe’s comment after I had sent mine (I was probably typing mine while you were typing yours). And yes, I did use dramatic context; I can’t help but to talk about people I met in the past. Maybe someday I’ll change my mind too, but I still believe that pain is pain and you can’t compare how others deal with theirs.
Have a great night, anthro.
You touched on a nerve because you wrote something that other people think but wouldn’t actually articulate.
Are there “drama queens” on here?
Are there “chronic complainers”?
What about “attention whores”?
Absolutely.
But hey, what you consider trivial could drive some to suicide.
You remember that guy who jumped to his death because he was sick of shopping with his shop-a-holic girlfriend?
It happens, everyone’s got reasons that make sense to them.
Yay Morris you stopped in! Was hoping to see you about, anyway I perfectly understand the man jumping to his death because he had to endure the hanus abuse of a shop-a-holic significant other.
First off the guy had to stomach the financial burden of being with a shop-a-holic, and furthermore he had to be there for the torture? Honestly shopping alone for myself is something I despise, but going to multiple stores, with aperson who is shopping for leisure, looking at every garment, and because nothing fit just right you walk out with nothing? Now that sounds like a corner office in hell. Rest his poor soul.
Pain comes in all forms, and I think it’s a mistake to try and categorize as some pain being more “real” or “better” than other pain. A teen’s pain at 14 is just as real as a 54 year old’s emotional pain.
It’s funny, we all make choices here. I’m not sure why people find it easier to respond to some posts rather than others, but by doing so, folks are reinforcing those people they respond to. Sometimes in a positive way, sometimes in a negative way.
If more people responded to those grappling with serious suicidal thoughts and intent, I imagine the tone of the community would change. Probably for the better…