We all have our business with life, the job, the family, entertainment. When my friend approached me, I was also engaged in one of the toughest time of my life; My family was undergoing a hard time about which i could not do anything but pray; I just started my first job. My friend needed help and I complied, sacrificed as much as I could; I would leave my job early so that I can reach college at time to make my friend learn something so that my friend would not fail and when married, I wanted to see the degree in my friend’s hand. I helped in my friend’s assignments, stayed awake at nights to do the assignment for my friend. One of those nights were my birthday night, i sacrificed as much as i could just because i was doing assignments, so that my friend can pass the exams and had a degree when getting married. There was no return in it for me as i was complying to a friend’s request.
Everything went well, my friend passed exams, got the degree, got married, had children and of and on sent me a Happy Birthday messages. One of those messages made me believe on our friendship that it is the truest form of friendship as ever can be.
Now, after a decade, due to a simple misunderstanding my friend said to me, “You pass pointers, that makes me angry as hell” and then “You know, you are a nobody”, “I doubt we could ever be friends”…..
Why would i ever pass pointer to my friend whom i loved like my own flesh and blood.
You know my friend, i took care of you like a mother in those days. The last thing in my life I ever wanted to see were tears in your eyes. I stayed awake for you to do your assignments, tried to make you feel as a brother; begged Teaching Assistants and Teachers to give you the grades, because you were getting married; especially when you ran off from one of the evaluations, only I know how I carried the tail of that Teaching Assistant; and this is the eventual reward of my love, my care, my respect and my sacrifices, to be celebrated with remarks as “You are a nobody” and “I doubt we could ever be friends”.
And then you left, never replied to my emails; shut me off as if I can continue with my life the same way.
You broke me down to little tiny peaces; i doubt i could ever collect myself again.
But,
I still wait for you to return as a friend, nothing more, nothing less.
5 comments
erm I’m a bit lost as to what the rift was about ‘pass pointers’ what? That is rough, you sacrificed a lot and then down the road poof. Was there anything else going on Idk maybe someone was going through a tough situation then just lashed out? or was it completely out of nowhere? I’d be devastated too…
It sounds like you put too much of yourself into this friendship. A friendship/relationship should be a 50/50 p.artnership. Both parties should invest an equal effort. If not, you’ll be left feeling hurt and betrayed that they took you for granted, or you’ll feel like they just didn’t care. They might also accuse you of being too clingy or codependent if you’re always *there* and ready to help, or if you express too much concern over their well-being.
Know that you need your space and that you have no total obligation to anyone except for children who are under your care or guardianship. You have the right to refuse a friend’s or p.artner’s (or family member’s) requests and to respectfully ask to come to an understanding/compromise, or to go your separate ways if they can’t seem to agree to your personal standards and conditions.
Remember: Never do anything you’re not comfortable with, no matter how much you may care about someone. If they really care about you too, they will accept your decision and won’t pressure you.
A true friend wouldn’t take advantage of another friend’s generosity. Or if she/he did, they’d find another way to pay them back. I’m sorry to say but you were not his friend-he saw you as his loyal servant, almost a slave.
He was your parasite and you were the host and he used to you to get ahead. When he felt he had no use for you, he cut you off. I know of parasitic people and ingrates. When the mask drops then you realize they had nothing but contempt for you and saw you as inferior/a lowlife. They were also angry at having to rely on you for anything-and would often cover it up/pretend it never happened or severely downplay how instrumental your help was in changing their life.
You don’t earn friendships by being subservient to others, you earn it through mutual respect and care. Rather than waiting for this parasite to return to your life, you should’ve put him in his place and told him off. In fact you should’ve never helped him to begin with.
Altruism is a foolish and self-destructive road to take. Look after yourself first-if you are in a position to help others, see if your help will be valued or squandered. Don’t help those who are evil and selfish by nature. Let them sink or swim on their own merit. I used to be a bit like you when I was younger, I’d go the extra mile for people-only to have those same people either not care or be grateful for my effort, or even insult me behind my back (as I learned from others). I then became very stingy about who I helped.
Sadly there are many rotten people out who ruin it for everyone else. But work on your self-esteem and don’t allow yourself to be exploited by others. The people you want as friends are those who refuse to take advantage of you, even when they know they could.
‘Altruism is a foolish and self-destructive road to take’
link-http://www.radiolab.org/story/103983-equation-good/
it’s an interesting listen, really that whole episode is
No, ts not like that; i believe my friend was in too much pain and pressure when my friend saw me as a shoulder to cry on and a way out.
I still believe it was someone else who filled the ears of my friend or something that i missed totally to make my friend pissed on me, otherwise our friendship would not have run for a decade.