My life is going as best as it ever have….and yet i want to die even more now. I don’t understand. Why am i always thinking of ways to end it? Why am i always hoping simeone else could carry this pain in their heart? I feel so hurt…but numb to any more hurt. The most painful things are my memories, that play over and over in my head. I think that…?????
I just think that if God were real and loved me he would help me. Help me feel normal..help me control the thought but sadly he doesn’t. Nobody loves me ?
Nobody cares
Nobody noticed
Nobody loves me
Nobody loves me
Nobody loves me
Nobody loves me
I don’t love me
8 comments
Ruminating.
The doc says that I spend a lot of time thinking about the past. In turn, the past is able to build on itself and haunt me. Sometimes I can have something good happen and still completely expect things to fall apart. I try to seize the good of the moment. It can be difficult. More people probably love you than you think. Sometimes we have a powerful pair of sunglasses on that blocks the good from getting through. As more positive experiences happen, hopefully the negative thoughts get pushed aside.
I don’t blame God for the situation that I’ve found myself in. Instead, I look to him for support and guidance. There have been decisions made along the way that I perhaps could have made differently. Sometimes, religion can help serve as a steering current of sorts. To your point, if there is a God, I’m sure that he does love you.
It’s really important that you love and accept yourself. You will always have obstacles, mistakes, and bad days. On some days, you might be the only ally that you have. Keep moving forward one step at a time.
It happens to a lot of people. I have a carefree evening ahead where I could do anything I wanted, within the physical/mental capacities of my illness, and all I can think about is death. It’s very difficult when the pain is inside you, despite your life being better on the outside. Memories, especially very painful ones, are likely to have more of an effect on you once you feel suicidal. All those painful thoughts become more powerful. I can’t do anything to help you; all I can do is tell you I see how you feel, and I care, and I love you, and you can learn to love yourself one day. Hopefully one day this will become a memory too. It won’t be overnight, but at least ’til then we all have each other.
Thank you for posting this. Yet another post that hits home for me.
I think of it as a preemptive strike. I’ll ruin my life long before outside forces can. That way I can control the disaster.
No_one_care,
I myself don’t ever think about no body loves me, if you don’t love me who cares, that’s just me, and if you want outside help to get people to love you like god, sorry but my connections aren’t that good! possibly a love potion? Vodka and orange juice works pretty good!
Ok enough jokes!!! Bottom line if you don’t love yourself nobody else will, if you don’t love yourself because of your looks for example, that’s wrong! you must love yourself for being a kind considerate person that feels good because your honest, people can’t help but love you! But if you’re a dick you get what you deserved. I’m just throwing a few short thoughts out here. I love me! Matter of fact I’m in love with me!!! Well at least right now that vodka really works!!! 🙂
Ooh
No_one_care,
i wasn’t talking about you just thoughts in general.
No_one_care,
OK I love you!!! So don’t say nobody loves you anymore! 🙂
Thanks