i cant i cant

I cant do it this is stupid. Im too tired to move most of the time. Its a battle to not beat myself up all day. My best friend has stopped talking to me so she can kill herself and now ignores me im alone so im back here to be judged and picked apart. I want to die. Ive been suicidal for decadesm i should want to die. Im tires im sick my job is stressful. Everything is a suicide trigger I can’t stop over eatting. I am just scratching the surface I’m so angry i punch things at work randomly. Im undatable, uninteresting, underwhelming. I hope i die in my sleep. There is a bridge about 200 feet away above the water if i dont. I drive in it sometimes and think about ending it. This will end when i get the nerve. I hate the world i dont belong here. I hate mas culture. Im tired of being alone depressed and aloof. I hate that posting here makes me feel better. No one cares and despite the similar feelings we all have i never feel like anyone understands.