problems with parents. depressed. suicidal.
my mother finds every excuse to beat me, yell at me and ruin me. ive been told many times to kill myself by her, to leave, to go to an orphanage, but to mostly just die. it was terrible before but it’s only getting worse. recently she locked me outside of the house at night in below freezing weather, while it was raining and left me there for a near hour, locking the doors of the house. then, on the same day, she said to me “either i die or you die” and kicked me out of the house again for two hours in the freezing rain until my father eventually made me tell him where I was. I was so ready to die, but i couldn’t yet.
I’ve had those times when I tried suffocating myself but I didn’t end up going through with it because I’ve always had a plan of how to go perfectly planned out. Write a message with a blade on my arm, leave a note, take the pills, be finished. nobody cares for my existence, the only stable thing I have in this pathetic life is my blade. whom I’ve switched different types a couple times. the end result only improving. I can just imagine how blissful death might be. how perfect and away from this disgusting world. to be away from it all is something I dream of, something I plan for nearly every day. each night, the darkness takes me away, whispering for me to come closer. and I try every night to lean further into the darkness and let it swallow me up. I’m waiting for the perfect moment, the exact time to depart.
I’d never call a helpline, but I’ve tried emailing. the notes you see on helpline pages are 1 in a thousand. they never respond. you’d think that for a situation like this they’d have more people on email responding. they don’t care, nobody cares. I don’t care. I just want to be finished.
19 comments
I care.
you don’t even know me. how can someone care when they haven’t even met me? there’s so much talk about being strong. but what’s to be strong about when you’ve already given up?
I’ve given up too. I cut almost every day, I feel like the largest waste of space ever, but hang in there.
it feels somewhat relieving to speak to somebody about this. it’s all been bottles up since the beginning and I have never told a soul. to relate to someone and to simply speak to someone, even if it’s not face to face, is an indescribable feeling.
how old are you? I’m 14
wow. so am i.
I just cut myself about half an hour ago and I can still feel a little stinging feeling, do you get that to or am I alone one this.
No, I get that too,
I’m so sorry you’re being subjected to that kind of abuse. This world can be such an ugly place a lot of the time but there are also really wonderful things to live for. You don’t deserve to be treated that way by your own mother, but know that she is the cause of how you’re feeling. I promise you one day you will be free of it and you will realize how much you’re worth
I dont know what age you are but nobody should be beating you and locking you out in the cold. I dont know where you live either or if there is someplace you can report this too. In the USA where I live parents that mistreat their children like that have their children taken away from them. You need to stick up for yourself and not let somebody treat you like this. Try to report this if there is any place to report it where you live or run away and find help. that is what I would do. Do you have anybody you can call to help you??? any other friends or relatives that you can trust??
I’m 14 and live in Canada. yeah, its illegal too. I’ve called this upon them but they always say something along the lines of ” do it, have the police lock me away. you’ll be sent to an orphanage. ” of course I never have the guts to call the police. and yeah, I have a relative but they don’t care. they know. did I mention my parents come from China? where its basically normal to hit kids?
It’s seriously not worth broken bones and brain damage. Have you taken photos of the damage they are causing?
you should get some evidence e.g photos and tell the police!!!
Although i have heard that orphanages are not always great places either… but at least you’ll be away from them… You don’t need this, please report them… Pleease
Exactly, at 14 you only have to worry about the next couple of years until you’re out there living your own life. You need to be alive then though and if take orphanage over that.
I’ve thought about many alternatives but death just seems so much easier. I mean, really, what’s the point of living when our lives are so meaningless. Reporting them is also useless because being sent to orphanages are people who want to move on. My sister just texted me and to sum it up, she think it’s okay for someone to tell someone to die- never mind my mother. I mean, it doesn’t even matter anymore. I should get on with my wish granting factory.
I often dream how nice it would be that we have no parents at all but will be born in some boxes, like chickens do.
or just not be born at all hmm
I really don’t want you to die. Yeah I don’t know you, sure I have no appreciation of what you have to deal with or what you’ve been through. But one (perhaps quite skewed) view is dying is just giving in to the bullies in your life. It shouldn’t happen (the bullying). Frankly the stuff you describe infuriates me. If someone has that mentality to treat others with so much contempt why have a family. Worse still: why should you have to just ‘take it’. And is a huge shame you say your sis ‘understands’ where your mum is coming from. The most basic obligation of a parent is child care. Wth?! Sorry for the semi-rant…
In other news: yaaay for a wish granting factory… I need a hot chocolate and a puppy lol
i need a hot chocolate and puppy too. puppies are great.
and i don’t know whether your comment changed how i feel but it’s nice to talk about this with people. even if it’s not face to face. everything has always been bottled up and i never speak about myself to others. it’s just nice to have some sort of human interaction about this. so, thank you. and don’t apologize for the semi rant- ranting is good.