I’ve been trying to act somewhat ‘normal’, and not like everyone is trying to murder me. It’s difficult, to say the least. I can’t keep up with emotions anymore. I’m not reacting to things I’m supposed to, and I’m reacting differently than I should in other situations. I’m getting yelled at for being ’emotionless’, and I’m getting yelled at for ‘behaving inappropriately’.
The voices are constant now, specifically the running commentary and the laughing. The demons missed last night again, but I’ve saw the shadow people throughout the day instead.
My mood has been ridiculously low all day, anger being the most prominent one. It’s not even the ‘everyone-gets-like-this-from-time-to-time’ anger. It’s the intense, burning, irrational anger. It’s the anger that makes the voices and the figures worse. Its the violent anger. I’m even afraid of myself when I get like this:
The Angels are more frequent, almost 24/7. They’re keeping me safe at all times. They’re telling me where the Others are so I can avoid them. There’s people watching me in the houses across the street. They’re monitoring me. I need to keep out of their view. I need to be more careful. I haven’t got the microphones or cameras out yet. It’s still been too risky. They’re still listening to me. They’re still watching me.
I got my hair cut, and I’ve dyed it. I was hoping they wouldn’t recognise me, at least until the Angels had been able to get me away safely. Of course, that was wishful thinking.
I need to figure out a way to avoid college on Monday. I can’t go there anymore. There are Others there. They’ll get me. I don’t know how I’m going to get out of it. My mum will force me to go. She’s going to let me die. I can’t go in. I can’t leave the house.
I’ve spent nights awake while trying to come up with a way to stay home and avoid leaving the house. I stay awake to write. I stay awake so the demons don’t get me. I stay awake to listen to the Angels. I’m exhausted from the lack of sleep. I can’t remember the last time I had a full night’s sleep.
Despite them watching me, it’s the only place I’m safe right now. They can’t get in here yet. It’s the only place I can be. It’s the only place I’ll stay alive.
4 comments
Don’t hurt yourself. (Don’t try to ‘cut’ anything out of you.) I hope someone can help you, you sound like you’re not doing so well.
I need to get them out of me. I’m not safe while they’re there. I still need to see my doctor, but I can’t go outside yet.
Why do you think there are microphones inside you? Please talk to a psychiatrist about this.
The Angels told me about them. My psychiatrist knows about most of this.