I’m so tired

I hate to feel sick of working already when it’s my first year. But I feel useless and like I can’t ever be up to the level everyone else is on, and I’ll always be such a no good underperformer. I used to think I was smart but it’s not book smarts you need. It’s being normal, knowing how everyone else thinks, and creating systems that follow the normal thinking patterns that I’m clueless on. I’m sick of not having any energy, being so short of breath, coughing & gagging like a smoker when I’ve never smoked, being tired all the time and overall physically unable to perform in life like everybody else. I realized I’d have less to get by if I did get a full time job. Because there is no true full time. So that’d be 30 hrs a week at best, at 10 an hour, every 2 weeks, minus 35% tax, $300 owed for rent and $50 needed for bus every pay period. I actually survive better on less because I get paid weekly, earn more than min wage, and so I just need $190 for rent and bus every week. So what’s the motivation to work? I feel like I’m not good at anything, and I’m just in the way and am surely resented for it. This shit will never end and I can’t climb out because it would take some talent, skill or ability to get ahead and I’ve got absolutely nothing. I wasn’t given anything but a disabled body to make me completely worthless to the world.