Okay, so i’ve been suicidal for a while now, always trying to overdose and shit like that. but up until now its never been all of me that wants to die, I remember my therapist would ask me how much (out of a percentage) wants me to live and it’d always end up being 50% or lower, as i’d always regret my decisions the next day, but recently i’ve not been regretting and ive come to realise that no part of me wants to live.
I just want to know what happened, what happened to the leftover spark within me which has finally gone out.
Why has the part of my that wants to live, not want to live anymore.
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Somehow i think that the percentage thing is a double edged sword. Sure, it helps therapists somehow “measure” the overall damage that a person has, but still, it does create an interesting problem: if you know how much of you wants to live, you’re bound to feel more pressured to increase those numbers, which in return, end up frustrating you and making those numbers get lower instead. There’s also the fact that… might be wrong here (hell, might be wrong with this entire comment), but your “want to live percentage” varies deeply depending on many many things, at least that happens to me.
So… it might be something temporary. Instead of putting much attention on where has my will to live gone, use that to search new ways of making that spark reignite. Sometimes we don’t need to know were we lost something if we can figure out another way to find it.