If you don’t hear from me tomorrow I’m sorry. At least my profile will still be here. At least there is something left behind of me. Something someone can look back on. At least I know I will be missed by everyone here. At least I know you guys care. But it’s not enough right now. If I’m heard from by tomorrow night, I made it through tonight. I imagine them waking up in the morning to find my corpse hanging in the bedroom. I imagine what they would do or say. I hope I can watch them cry. I hope I can see their pain. I hope I can see everyones pain. Because it’s a memory of my life and how painful it was. It’s the only memory I will leave behind is pain. Because that’s all it ever was.
Is anyone awake? I need someone to talk to right now. I feel like hanging myself tonight. I don’t even have everything set up and ready to dignify my death, I just want to leave and I want to leave now.
21 comments
Evening there, what’s going on?
My mind is going 1000000x per second right now. Im so lost I’m so scared I’m so mad so alone im so frustrated. Fuck. Fuck. Everything can be taken away from me again by the time I wake up. Jobless homeless alone. I will litterally have the possibility of being alone again. And I dont want to go through it again. It scares me thag when I wake up i I may have nothing. Nothing. Fucking nothing. I dont want to be there again. I dont. I cant. I wont. I fucking wont. I dont want to be here in the morning. I want to be gone. I cant take it. I fucking cant. Not again. Never again. I want to end it. I just want everything to stop. Im cursed. My life is nothing but misery. Always has been and seems to alway be. I dont want to go through another second of it. I hate everything. I hate this. I hate myself. I fucking hate myself. Im worthless. Im useless. Im I’m nothing. Ill never be anything to anyone or anything. Ill never have anything. Ill never be anything. I’m alone. Ill alway alone ill always be homeless ill always be a burden ill always be me. I cant live with me. I’m a disgrace. I fucking hate me.
I can’t even fathom right now what is trapped in my mind. How I feel. Im so fucked right now. I cant even tell you how I got this way. Im fucked.
I understand how you feel i have been there before i hope things work out for you and im here to talk if you need
If I lose everything tomorrow I’m threw. Im I’m done I cant go through this a fourth time. I cant take it anymore. I cant live with mtself anymore. I’m such a failure. I’m a nobody. Nobody wpuld care. No body cares even as im breathing. The world wouldn’t even know im I’m gone. The only people who would care are you guys. And sadily that isnt enough it seems. Im I’m alone.
if you don’t mind me asking, who is taking your stuff away?
God im freaking out roght now guys and I’m sorry. I dont make sense at all.
I am here let’s talk. I was homeless too for a while it sucks!!!!!!!! You’re right. I fear that more than death itself. l know you are a wonderful person and you never deserved all the shit they put your through. You’re worth more than you think.
The only thing I habe in life right now to keep myself kicking is I habe a roof over my head, food to eat, and the possible end of a relationship in the morning. The sad thing is if the relationship ends. The last two things I have are taken away as well. See he offered to help me and house me after I was evicted and lost my job. I never asked for help. And now he has the power to take everything I have left away. Everything. Fucking everything and I have no control over it. I can do nothing about it.
See if I get evwrything taken away tomorrow I dont care about him. Even though I do have strong feeling towards him in a good way I dont care anymore. Because then its just me. He is just another stranger to me again if that happens. But the thought of bwing alone in the world again with no support and nothing to keep me alive and going. Thats what gets me.
How much of a jerk is he? Either you help a person or you don’t.
But maybe you’ll find help still if you are kicked out. But I hope that doesn’t happen.
No one can help me. I’m alone. My own mother and father don’t even want me. My family doesnt want me. No body does. Not even people I try to call friends. Trust me I tried. No one wanted me a few weeks ago when I was being evicted. Except for him. But he felt as if he had to. And it’s been a burden on him since day one. Trust me, nobody wants me around. And if I cant even support myself or let alone provide mtself the necessities to live. Then whats the point. I dont want to starve to death or freeze to death. Its hopeless. Im at a dead end. The last time I was at a dead end I sold my body just to live. And I’m never doing that again. I should have just ended it the last time. Im I’m stupid to have not to.
The biggest point of difference for myself was being able to actually *live* with myself; and that took a helluva lot of time to grasp. It’s evident that you’ve lived a storied life and, hell, I’m sure most folks here can say the same — I sure can. But that’s what makes the real difference; the fact that we know this story and how it’s going to end.
…because there’s only one way this is all gonna end anyway.
As much as I dislike the idea of a young woman being out there alone, perhaps it’s the only way (at this time) for you to move for’d. I’m not sure what kind of resources you have access to in your local area, but I’d suggest seeking them out and utilising every bit of help you can muster. And never forget that you’ve got the folks on this site here to give you that spiritual support you’ll sorely need on the road ahead.
We’re all alone in one way or another. I’m just a lost soul in a crowd of thousands most mornings as I commute to my college, but that’s just fine with me. Learning to really live with yourself is a difficult task, but without doing so I’d have NEVER survived this long. Even if it has the slightest of chances at succeeding — take some time for yourself and see just how strong you can really be when you trust in your own ability to survive.
(…either that or ignore me for the lousy fuckwit that I am. Fill yer boots.)
HI…Please talk to the nut..
For what it’s worth even though you have been through this before, you survived then and you can do it again too. If you end up homeless there are resources available to help you. Not sure where you live but there are people who can help you find work and regardless you will make it through this. You are stronger than you think. Please try to see that you are worth living for.
hey
If you need money, try talking to social assistance if there’s any in your town, and you can also make a GoFundMe account. I’m sure some of us on SP would be willing to help you out financially with whatever we can.
Echo this notion.
Not sure of the exchange rate for NZD-USD at this time but I’d be happy to donate what I can spare, and again — do seek out financial assistance in your local area and anything the government may be able to provide.
You wrote that post “This is for every single
person here” I was crying. You helped me a lot. I want that you read your own post again. Everything what you wrote is for us, but what is much more importan, it’s also for you! You are also a very strong person! I and everybody here hope that you are still alive. We love you, I love you.
I’m here if you want to talk 🙂