Im so lost so broken Im trying with every fiber in my body to keep it together. but when I get myself in room alone I can’t function. I want to die soooo bad , I want it l to end . my husband seen me in ball of mess in the closet. He said “don”t worried I’ll take to get makeup later , so stop crying ” I said I dont care About the make up it sucks but whatever . I want to die i thought. Then he asked wich killed me to hear but felt numb inside. Are you unhappy with me ? I said no then he asked whats the problem then .i shouted in my head I want to die
But what came out is I hate my life. He told me it will get better. I dont think it will. Either I kill my self or My marriage Is over and I will not remarrie . and I know going to tahoe is a Mistake but when your inlaws play power games this is what happens . Im suicidal again . and no one knows my husband thinks I was over dramatic with my out burst yesterday . I will never again tell him how I want to die .
2 comments
Yeah most people who have never been through depression or suicide ideation often don’t know what its like.. and an initial response you get from people like that is to just tell you to “get over it” or that “things will get better.” Its just the conditioned response that a lot of people shovel out.
Well if you go around telling people that you want to die > then you could wind up being hospitalized. It has happened to me a number of times and its no picnic. They stick you in a psych ward from anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks and they get you on meds and make you go to group therapy while you are in there and you also consult with a doctor who will put you on meds.
Meds can be helpful.. so maybe going through that might be good for you.
Have you ever seen a Psychiatrist about your suicidal ideation? have you ever talked to a counselor about it?
You might want to try. It can be helpful.
@phantom no I never told any one and I been this since 13 .for the last year and a half I was ok but since October I slowly spiraled down to the way I am now . the only way I would go to therapists or psychiatrist if i am admitted or if I get insurance and go secertly .