Hello. I’m very uncertain about a lot of things. I’m not even really sure that I’m suicidal. I think about killing myself all the time and I even daydream about how I would do it. But if I was really suicidal, wouldn’t I have already done it by now? Literally I could just go into the kitchen while everyone’s asleep, get a knife, cut my throat, and lie down on the bed. But every time I’m at my lowest and feel the urge to do it, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I guess I’m too afraid. I imagine I’m put in situations were dying isn’t my choice. Like someone comes up and mugs me on the street and ends up shooting me in the head or something. I’m such a coward, that I can’t even do it myself. It’s pretty pathetic. It’s starting to show that I’m depressed. Other students are starting to ask me more, but I just say I’m fine and move on. I can’t go back to therapy. I hated it and refuse to go back. I have to try extra hard around my parents, but at school, I just don’t care anymore. Well thanks for listening again. Side note, I really want to comment on others post and show my support, but I’m not sure how to approach it. I’m afraid that I will upset someone, but I feel that I need to show that I care like everyone else. Any advice?
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What was it about therapy that upset you?
The few that I went to didn’t seem that interested. The first one I barely spoke to, the second ended up putting me in a center and treated me like I was very delicate, third one was alright but then he moved, and the last one said I was just some lazy kid who didn’t know the value of what I had. Plus it costs a lot of money, and when my parents lose a lot of money they get more pissy.
I can’t say I have all that much advice for you, but your comments don’t have to be perfect. Lots of times where you won’t be able to relate completely, but a lot of the time, just letting the OP know that you read their post (especially if it’s really long), helps so much… Also, it won’t happen all the time, but it always helps when the OP of the post feels less alone and more relatable than they first thought with the comment you give.. Just give it your best shot (trust me, a lot of the time I wish I had something amazing to say, but I wound up just offering my email, or just saying that I read their posts..).
There are points in life where we are uncertain about many things. It may take time to figure things out, but I suggest you don’t rush things too much. *hugs* (been giving lots of hugs today)
It’s still being suicidal if you want to die, imho. Otherwise the only “suicidal” people would already be dead (or have attempted, I suppose, but still). Being passively suicidal (wanting to die by some unforeseen accident/in a way that isn’t your own doing) is still being suicidal. You’re certainly not pathetic.
I know what you mean; I always feel like I’m slowly losing my grip and letting my real self show through as my overall performance in life decreases.
Comments are really appreciated. Even if you don’t feel like it will help, it probably will, at least because the person who posted will know that someone read their post and wanted to say something.
I feel like we’re really alike, i want to die but I’m kinda scared.
It will sound strange, a suicidal person advising another one, but our inability to die maybe means that we still have a chance to live, and that we are still attached to something or someone. I don’t know what that thing that i an attached to is, but i will look for it. Give it a try, and search for that thing too !
I feel the same fucking way. Exactly the same.