Not really sure why I’m doing this, I stumbled across this site to let family and friends know if something was to happen. Coming here I’ve read a lot of people’s personal struggles, and my heart goes out to you all, and to you FUCKS out there with your perfect lives, well you can chew on this, cause if anyone can go through what I have and not think about putting a fuckin hole through the back of your head, well you’re definitely a better man than me, so here it goes. Not gonna bother with my miserable childhood, I’ll just say my pops isn’t my real pops so I was never gonna live up to his expectations. So let’s fast forward through all the other bullshit that life had waiting for until 2001 when my first love, the mother of my 2 oldest children was killed in a car accident, speed to 2003 when my biological pops died, hmmm, 2004 is when I lost the greatest woman in my life, my momma, onwards and upwards until we get to 2012, that was the year that my oldest son, my namesake, my road dawg was killed in a car accident, ironically just like his mother, let me see, 2015 was when my little angel, my first granddaughter Passed away, oh yeah, 2 days after that we found my nephew dead of an overdose and yes, he was living with me and my wife and kids. And last but certainly not least, I lost my grandson 10 months ago, not to mention all the other friends and family along the way, Not only the deaths but I was averaging around 70-75 grand a year not a bad chunk of change, I met and married the woman of my dreams, ” my angel ” had great step kids, but like everything else I love, I lost them too. You see she just up and filed for divorce and I found out by text that day at work, yep a fuckin text letting me know my marriage was over and to pick up my clothes lol, but at least I have my job, ummm not anymore, I was laid-off 3 months ago, so now I live where I can and why wouldn’t I, everybody should have a middle aged man sleeping on their couch, I’d get another job but yep you guessed it, my car isn’t running, but yet I’m still here. Lmfao. And I swear the next guy that is in front of me and says ” everything will be ok,” or the ever popular ” well it can’t get any worse ” I’m hittin right in the fuckin mouth, cause it can get worse, and it has gotten worse, but yet there’s still those assholes that’ll say I should hold on or it’s a sin to kill yourself, let me clue you into something, the only ones that call it a sin are the fuckin Catholics, the BIBLE says blaspheming the HOLY SPIRT is the only unforgivable sin, ( yes I’ve read the BIBLE ) and if JESUS, the son of GOD HIMSELF can’t forgive me for throwing in the towel then didn’t HE die in vain ??? Think about that next you wanna judge someone, by the way, judging people is also a fuckin sin ” HYPOCRITES ” fuck it I’m done here, when I throw a slug through my head, at the end of the day it’s my choice, like everyone else’s, ” CHOICES ” that would be freewill right ???
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
10 comments
I don’t even know what to say. I don’t want to say anything cliche for fear of seeming un-geniune. Just know that I hear you, I’ve read your words and if I could say something that would make you feel remotely better, I would say it.
Thank you and I do believe you’re sincere, but to be truthful, I wouldn’t know what to say to me either, other than what you did, thanx
I’ve had a lot of losses, too. Not like yours… but…. every loss hurts. I was adopted. Lost my dad in 2007, lost my best friend in 2009… followed by my uncle, my cousin and another friend. I’m pretty much tired of losing people. I can’t imagine the pain YOU’RE in. But I do know the pain of loss. I’ve also lost a guy that I really loved recently due to my… I dunno… I lost him because of the way I am. He couldn’t take it anymore. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Just know that you’re not alone!! Not at all.
Oh. And I forgot to add that I lost another best friend in 2005.
I’m 34, so all of this happened in my early 20s.
I’m sorry for your losses too, you know I didn’t put it in my rant, the first time I ever seen someone die I was 15, a friend and myself were coming out of the pool hall, it was a drizzly, gray November day, I’ll never forget it, me and Vinnie came outta the pool hall and across the street in the park was this guy, no socks, no shirt, penny loafers, slacks, and a business man trench coat, just standing there staring at us when all of a sudden he pulled out a gun and blew the right side of his head off, sorry, I can be long winded sometimes
You’ve been through alot too for being so young, seem like a really caring person, I will keep you my prayers,
That is… unimaginable. The only person I’ve seen die is my dad, we were in the hospital room with him and we had to make a decision to let him go or let him be a vegetable on life support. Of course, the only humane thing to do was to let him go. Even that still haunts me. Not really the letting him go part, but the death part. Watching the monitor go into a flat line. Holding his cold hands. …. I don’t think I would be able to function right if I seen someone get their brains blown out right in front of me.
Even though you’re in pain and you have suicidal thoughts… you still seem strong to be even sane enough to type.
I hope you find some peace soon. And thank you for your words.
I second claritee. I read this but I really don’t know what to say. I’m very sorry. I hope your suffering ceases soon.
Sometimes it takes kind words and the chance to vent to bring us in from the ledge, even if just for a little while longer, I’ve had to be strong for everybody else, never considered that maybe I needed someone to be strong for me, but that’s not acceptable where I’m from, gotta be tough lmao, I watched that man die at 15 and watched my mother-in-law die right before my separation, and probably 6-7 people in between, and unfortunately that’s a true story and count, I will say this about you, you have to be pretty damn tough yourself, use that strength for yourself now