Has it happened to you? That things seem to be fine and promise that they’ll get better, but you’re afraid the hopes you’re building will make you suffer when everything finally crashes?
I’m trying to get an scholarship to Japan. But my biggest fears are the evaluation tests. Especially:
Math
I’m not going to study something related to science but they’ll still make me take that exam. And I’m so scared I even cowered from presenting my application.
Everybody keeps telling me that I’m so smart I shouldn’t worry. But THAT’S NOT TRUE. I’m the only one that knows it, I’m dumb as fuck. I’ve tried, god knows how hard I’ve tried to understand something. But I can’t.
Anyway, I’ll still submit my application. But I’m scared that if I don’t get the scholarship I’ll be so depressed that when the new series I’ll be watching comes to an end I’ll kill myself.
I’m afraid I’ll not make it until the August 15th of next year. That I will fail the promise I made myself.
4 comments
Oh, it happens to me all the time. To quote OneRepublic, hope is a four letter word. It’s a very unsettling feeling to have, because I just know the crash will be so much worse than if I was ready for it to begin with. I often find myself actively trying to suppress hope, which I know is not good either, but seems to be the lesser of two evils.
Yes, that is so true. It always seems like having no hope is the lesser of two evils, but everybody always tell you it’s not right. So you get stuck between doing and not doing, thinking and not thinking, and it’s really frustating.
Hi Kamidaka. I know how hard it can be to believe in yourself. But if everyone tells you how smart you are I bet they are right. Im sure you will do great.
Try not to place every egg in one basket as they say. If for some reason you dont get the scholarship try and have a backup plan so you have more than one goal to focus on.
Try and go easy on yourself. Dont beat yourself up, we spend so much time worrying that we forget to enjoy the adventure wherever it leads us. I hope everything goes well.
Hi tired123 and thank you for your nice words! But I don’t believe in myself because I’m studying right now and I don’t understand a thing of my subjects. I’m pretty worried, but I guess it’s always worth a try.
And no, my entire life depends on that scholarship, if I don’t get it then it’s over.