I have a plan in place to at least try and make my death less hurtful for my family members, but after last night it took every bit of strength I could summon not to end it all early.
My husband of 15 yrs has been gone just over a month and I found out last night he is living with a younger woman. Not only have I been forgotten, our life together erased, but I’ve been replaced and someone else gets to live the life that was supposed to be mine.
If I had any food in my stomach last night I would have been physically sick. I cried more tears last night than in all the other days combined since he left. I’m so angry at God for putting this man in my life, when HE knew how badly I was going to be hurt.
I am desperately trying to get rid of the excess stuff in my house after living there 25 years, and I want to have some kind of burial plan in place so my family can just throw me in a hole and be done. Knowing what I know now, I am fighting just to keep from dying as soon as possible.
I know he’s never coming back, especially after moving on so quick. I get so tired of hearing, “time will heal this”, or “God has something better in store for me”. God was the one who brought this man into my life. I don’t trust God to do right by me anymore.
I hate this life and I just want out so badly. If I make it through the holidays it will be an absolute miracle! I am losing hope daily and I feel all alone in my pain
8 comments
Time won’t heal this. It never gets better. It does however get different. Sometimes different is ok. Sometimes different is better. Don’t end it based on a man whose so myopic he sets up shop almost immediately with someone else. It can be a real journey to begin living for myself. Living to create and accomplish goals I selfishly put in place just for me. Start walking forward. Don’t dig a ditch until you are sure you at least walked for some time. My face burns when I’m slapped but eventually it heals. I don’t forget the slap but the pain is a distant memory.
i always feel bad when it comes to woman, i think they are so special, you need to move on, i have gone through many relationships, when one ends you start another, that is the way it works, never become bitter, and become available to start again, you will find that it can be fun starting over.
Do you have children?
Yes, I have children, all grown, have their own lives.
Just got out of a mental health facility, first time ever for that experience, will never repeat it!
I will never want another relationship Rocketman, even if I don’t take the fast track to Hell. I’m already living it here now, and too much damage has been done for me to be with another person.
This relationship brought me to a place of darkness so deep, I really just see no way out and I’m just too defeated to try.
Sunflower, I won’t take all the blame for the problems in my relationship, but I’ve done and said things in the past to my ex that drove him away. Now I have the guilt of knowing it was my fault. I had a chance at a lasting love and I screwed it up and I won’t get another chance to make ammends or be forgiven. I could deal with him being with another woman. It’s the regret and the remorse that is eating me up inside. I can never get over the fact that I caused this massive loss in my life.
I’m still going to try to at least accomplish my goals before I’m gone. God knows, I’ve screwed up everything else so I would at least like to leave this world knowing I did one thing right.
Thanks yall.
I wish I was already dead.
Today is my 15th anniversary. I am sitting here alone, the tears just will not stop, yet he is spending the day with his whore and not even giving me a thought I’m sure. He has everything blocked so I can’t contact him.
I hate this life. Anyone who believe the old saying that God never puts more on you than you can bear, has never experienced an ache inside their soul that is so full of pain that it never goes away.
You’re VERY raw right now, Special2No1…and very vulnerable.
Are you on any meds from the Doc ? If not, I think you need to get sedated for a while…dissociate from these excruciatingly painful emotions.
The man who has done this to you, hun…is a grade A scumbag with only apathy running through his veins.
I am so sorry…this on your 15th anniversary and he’s blocked you from contact ? The heartless bastard.
I’m here !!!
I was supposed to start my meds today Escalado, but someone messed up the order, so they didn’t get put in the system.
I just came out of a mental health facility late last week because I was near a breakdown.
It’s just been a rough day and even though I have tried to keep busy, it just feels like I’m dragging a mountain behind me.
Thank you for responding. I honestly have no one to turn to when it gets this bad and most days I can “tough it out”, but being what was once our special day, I just couldn’t pull it off.
Don’t blame”God”… you’re a victim of circumstance, no more, no less…