so…guess if youre reading this either im dead or pathetically failed again to kill myself, and am now locked up in a mental hospital. in any case, i am unable to be here to delete this post.
…
i will keep this short.i looked up tons of resources on how to write a suicide note but i was never a writer. i was never anything anyway.
to mom and dad: im sorry. this is so hard. i cant write this i cannot express my feelings. first off…. you never drove me to suicide. dont blame yourself. this was my decision and it was affected by a million little things.
to grandmere: sorry. dont know what else to say
to rubecca: im sorry i made fun of you for being emo. look at me now.. the one who literally killed herself. i hope your life goes well and i hope you know nothing on your part affected my decision. just thank you for putting up with me for this short while. sorry it couldnt have been longer.
to angelina: i know you meant the best. i know i never told you how much i was struggling. that much is my fault. but…a constant reminder im a failure every day doesnt help. in any case, i dont blame you. i know you were trying your best because our situations are different. this did not affect my decision either as i already was thinking every day about how much of a failure i was.
to catherine: sorry i kept bugging you. i didnt mean to upset you. i dont know why i did it. have fun not having to take your ipad with you into the bathroom anymore.
to jen: im sorry. i hope you will find some new perky babysitter who doesnt want to kill herself, and the boys will forget about me, and you dont have to explain death to them for much longer.
to em: sorry. i know you will want to do it too after this. i dont have any advice.none of this was your fault.
to lucie:i was gonna make a rip joke but im literally dead so…. this wasnt your fault either. i hope youre okay
to rachel: sorry i died before we ever could meet. sorry i died. sorry.
the rest: sorry.
guess this is it. i hope everyone forgets about me. dont have a big memorial you will just hurt yourself more. i wish things werent this way but the exit was better than the alternitive. i wish it turned out different you know? but then again, i didnt have a future. whats the point.
i hope nobody thinks that by writing this i am trying to guilt trip people. its saddening that its assumed.
my hope for the future? dear god. please raise more awareness about mental illness. and not shitty “uwu everyone has mental health” no! shut the fuck up! there is absolutely no need for that.
i dont want you to frame my photo in the hall, i dont want you to have a memorial assembly. i want to disappear.
it scares me, thinking of what will happen after i die. it scares me so much. please, dont take my words too much to heart. it would be worse if i wrote nothing.
7 comments
Don’t end your life…. Stay alive and fight another day, hour, minute, second, as slow as you need
“we are just a bunch of suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids that suicide isn’t the answer”
You’re damn right, because the goal here is to prevent that from happening, not to tell them to end it.
Words said are better than no words at all.
As much as I would love to keep thinking that way, in my honest opinion, unless people are willing to talk on a personal level, and continue forming a bond with actual meaning, words by themselves are not enough to save someone.
You are correct, in a way. But, you’re taking it from your perspective. It’s more meaningful yes it can be, but sometimes words from an absolute stranger, can be even more meaningful to someone. It all depends on how it strikes them.
In any case, I’d rather try and fail rather than to not try and regret.
hello vultureheart, Im not writing this because i feel pity for you. I just want you to know that there’s no one here to help you, people words cannot penetrate those who feel like hope is all gone. But one thing is for sure, you are alive and that means you have a beating heart and with that beating heart you care for others like they care for you. So don’t mistake this really dark time as a goodbye to the world. If one thing humans are good in doing is surviving. so hang in there, even if you a thread away from falling- hang in their.
hope you are okay. I have been wanting to write my letter but I am too scared…