I said that I’d let you guys know if my plan last night didn’t work out and, well, that’s exactly what happened. Ugh! Someone came home last night whom I wasn’t expecting, so I had to postpone it once more.
Basically, I’m hanging myself in my backyard. It’s not a big deal, but it must be dark out so that my family nor the neighbours don’t see me, and late so that everyone is asleep. The problem is that I’ve been extremely tired lately, resulting in me falling asleep way too early whilst waiting for the time to pass. It’s pathetic.
At this point, if tonight fails as well, I’ll search for a hanging spot inside my house to make things a bit easier.
I’ll post again at some point, I think. I’m becoming a bit uneasy about my poetry, though, given the lack of comments on my last post. It’s not a huge deal. I’ll probably delete it.
6 comments
I’m not here to stop you, because those kind of comments make me uncomfortable, this is although the first post I’ve seen from you, care to tell me why you are hanging yourself?
I’ve posted on here a few times. Anyway, life has just been full of unbearable pain and anguish. I can’t seem to lead a normal life on Earth without collapsing from it all. I suppose that it’s not for me, so I must go.
Please don’t use comments as a measure of popularity or praise/criticism. There are too many variables that factor into the number and type of comments that any given post receives.
If you’d like to talk about what’s going on and what has brought you to this point, people will do their best to listen and support.
I know. I figured that people just had nothing to say to the other post, but I can’t help feeling disheartened.
Do me a favor and talk to your mom about the fact that you want to hang yourself. People can’t read your mind even if you think you make it obvious by breaking things or throwing things at the wall etc. My friend’s father hung himself in the house and he was found by the son. My 21 year old son hung himself in a forest and was found by a blood hound dog. I did not get to say goodbye to his body because it was too decomposed. A person who kills himself/herself also leaves behind people…friends and family who might feel their souls have been raped. You might think it’s no big deal but your thinking is clouded and you are flat out wrong. My son talked to me a year earlier about his problems but nothing more recent. I thought he was OK. It’s not fair to act without letting your mom have a chance to help. Talk to everyone in your “real life” and figure out a way to cope. You might never feel happy. Just figure out a way to keep going and learning until the angel of death comes because it’s your time (not decided by you). There is no reason for your family to go through the hell that my family is going through because of a son’s suicide. You can spare them of that misery.
I have. My mother flat out refuses to understand my state; in fact, it angers her. She berates me on a daily basis in response to my symptoms and, upon finding out about my suicidal thoughts because my psychiatrist insisted on informing her, told a bunch of random people without my consent.
I don’t care if my mother ends up being/acting sad in response to my death. My suicide is a consequence of her making no effort to understand and help me accordingly.