This is my first post. Honestly, never in my life did I think I’d be on a website like this but here I am. Not that there’s anything wrong with sites like this, I’m just usually too shy to do anything like this.
But I guess this is my story?
Since elementary school, I’d been struggling with self-esteem, self-confidence, depressive feelings, anorexic tendencies, and suicidal thoughts.
As time went by, it all only got worse and worse. And now, here I am, in high school and wondering which way I should kill myself. I recently moved in with my dad after more than ten years of not living with him. I tried to tell him I had a problem. I tried to tell him I needed professional help and about the thoughts that run through my head. At first, he believed me. He assured me we would find a professional to help me. But after a few months, he stopped believing me. He doesn’t think anything is wrong with me and doesn’t want to get me professional help. I’ve tried to be blunt with him and tell him I want to kill myself. I’ve tried to get him to understand that I’m not okay but nothing ever works. He thinks I’m fine and that he should just blame the people who raised me for being like this.
Last night, we were talking and he asked what I wanted to be. I said six feet under. And he basically told me, “If you want to kill yourself, just do it.”
I think I should.
15 comments
im so sorry he said that. its too bad hes being such a dick about it, but good for you for wanting to get help. if he wont help you get help, then go out and get it yourself. im hoping that if you do youll, thank yourself. take care.
I wish I could. I don’t have any money for professional help, yet. 🙁
Thank you, by the way
What he said was really awful! Telling your own child something like that is really awful.
But just like beautifulsinner said, maybe you shoud try and get help on your own?
And remember, you can always talk to us. It isn’t the same as talking to someone in real life (I recommend trying to talk to someone who does care about you & your problems), but talking to us is better than being alone right?
Greets Kur0-Nek0
Thank you so much.
My family here all knows about it but no one believes me except my sister but she can’t really help me since she’s younger than me.
LilacSky
I don’t know how old she is, but I think that she is already helping you in some way (It’s just my opinion though, but maybe you both just don’t realise it?).
Why do I say this? Well, she believes you, while the others don’t.
And that may already hep you, because you’re not alone, you still have her.
I am sure that you don’t want a 17 year old guy telling you something like this.
So my apologies for saying things like this, even though I can’t even handle my own shit.
A little tip:
Try to not talk about it with people that will never believe you.
I know out of personal experience that it will just hurt you more and more.
I wish I could help in you, but yeah, I don’t really know what to say.
Hopefully things will somehow work out for you..
Greets Kur0-Nek0
Is there anyone else other than your dad you feel you can go to in your family that may be more supportive? I am so sorry your dad is acting this way… I don’t and will never understand how a parent can turn a blind eye to their own child being forthright telling them they need help and WANT help. I know for your dad it may be hard to see and know you are mentally ill and struggling with these issues, but to say what he did is unacceptable. Even if he didn’t mean it ,which he probably didn’t, it doesn’t take away your hurt from hearing it does it.
Maybe try talking with a school counselor about it. Let them know you aren’t getting the support you need at home and ask for some assistance from them. Sometimes you have to be your own advocate, take charge and speak up and fight for yourself. There are people who will take you seriously I promise and those people will try and do what they can to help you. Please find someone else you feel you can trust.
I’ve tried talking to most of my family who lives nearby. No one really believes me except my sister, who is younger than me.
My dad said he doesn’t want me to see a professional since going to one may ruin my chances at getting a job or having some opportunities or even if I go to court in the future, it could be used against me. And I understand that, I guess.
But what hurt was him telling me to just kill myself…
But thank you so much for the suggestions. If i really need to, I’ll definitely consider it!
Lilac you getting help from a mental health professional is kept confidential so I don’t understand how it can affect you getting a job. It’s not like they ask if you have any mental illness or are taking any psychiatric meds on an application or interview. Unless you are required to take a drug test as part of the hiring process, but they are looking for illegal drugs with that. I am an adult btw not a teen. I don’t think your dad is correct in this thinking.
At any rate this issue you are having is able to destroy far more than your chances at a job, it can have a negative on your entire life from here on out…. tragic ones. I am not trying to scare you. You sound like a bright kid and the fact you want help is wonderful and you deserve the chance to get it so you have a chance to have a decent life because mental illness can be managed in some people so they go on to have pretty normal, productive lives. The way I see it you are in high school so you are old enough and mature enough to make this decision for yourself…. it’s your life and future …no one else’s. I really hope you try and get the help you need.
http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/84292/70431/money-insurance/
This is a site to help find mental health services without money or insurance. Hope it helps. 🙂 You could also try talking with your dr too.
Without knowing him at all I can only speculate, but it’s possible your dad said what he did in a moment of desperation. An almost hands up “I give up” moment. I can certainly imagine how attempting to make conversation about the future and only receiving an answer like “six feet under” could be distressing and lead to an emotional and spiteful-sounding response, especially from someone who is perplexed and has no idea how to respond to a seriously depressed person. People say things without any thought in moments like these, of course, things they likely regret saying at all later when they’re laying in bed thinking it over.
That said, I won’t play devil’s advocate too hard here since I’m only a stranger on the internet with a severe lack of context. As jadedjewel said, it hurts like hell to hear something like that no matter what the case may be.
Also, welcome to SP.
What I wrote was just the end of the conversation. I actually gave him an answer, telling him I wanted an apartment and to go to college and study a language or business.
I’ve given him hints and have tried to also be blunt, I’ve also become desperate because every time I try to get help, he shuts me down with “there’s nothing wrong with you, you don’t need help.”
And although he may not mean it, after the second month of me living with him, he hasn’t shown any support or that he would try to help me. He used to say he would but he doesn’t anymore and just shuts me down. So it feels like he doesn’t care.
Sounds like he’s in a sort of denial cause there is still much stigma around mental illness. Maybe that’s the real problem for him. Maybe he’s having trouble accepting it because if he accepts it then it’s more real and then he’ll worry and he probably doesn’t want to be scared.
I am not a parent but it must be terrifying for a parent to know their child has suicidal tendencies…it must be a really difficult thing to know and deal with. He could probably use the counseling along with you to understand and alleviate some of his fear. Try talking to him about that. I think he does care about you, he just doesn’t have the tools to handle this well…. most people don’t. So for them it’s easier to just sweep things under the rug and pretend like the issue is no big deal but it is. It won’t go away …not for either of you.
Even if he is in denial, I can’t really bring it up anymore. He said I’m not allowed to talk about it anymore. So if I want to be safe, I might as well shut up about it to him because he’ll just yell at me or something and make it worse.
He’s not willing to go to any counseling. There’s nothing that will change his mind unfortunately 🙁
I have to say this makes me so angry… that you are in this situation and he is acting like this. I just feel so bad for you and what you are going through. It just isn’t right. I swear some parents screw their kids up worse than society ever could. Having your parents support is so important in times like this. It’s just a shame that your father would rather take the chance of you ever completing suicide rather than help you get the chance to have a somewhat normal happy life which CAN happen for some people if they get the help they want. I mean how is he going to feel if you were to commit suicide, knowing that you wanted and was willing to get help? I would never want that guilt if I was a parent. I would do everything in my power for my child… I just don’t understand the parents who don’t. It certainly doesn’t help matters.
I guess you just have to dig deep in to your own strength and accept he is flawed in this sense and just doesn’t have what it takes to be the father you need right now. I just wish he could see the damage he is doing to the relationship the two of you have. It’s sad and preventable. Maybe joining a support group would help you… you need support to help get through this rough time. I’m pullin for ya. Just know someone is in your corner with you! (Hugs)
Your dad seems like an asshole.. sorry xc
Maybe you can talk to a school councilor about it? They can get you help if your Father wont