Everyone has a good idea what it’s like to be the victim, whether through personal experience, other’s stories, or even social media. But what about who is on the other side? I did not want to be toxic. I did not ask to be so virulent, to be referred to as narcissistic by the very ones I love. It’s getting lonely over here, and my black hole of a heart is caving into itself again. I can’t help how I am, and it’s not very easy to control. Am I destined to a life in solitude?
Throwing it back in my face doesn’t help it either. But I deserve this, right? I dare you to scout me out, and say it to my face, while my vacant eyes trace the outline of your lips. For someone who’s as cold as I am, I am quite sensitive. Maybe you regret our entire relationship, but I just wish I had the strength to walk away. So keep sitting there, drenched in your animosity. Create a satire with the spotlight on me through ambiguous yet malicious reposts, all of which are at least a little bit veracious. If you’re trying to hurt me, it’s not in the way you’re intending. As horrible as I am, I will never be meaner to someone other than myself, so reading what you have to say is, dare I say, satisfying.
3 comments
there’s a quote that goes ” those who are heartless once cared too much”…we become products of our past so whatever unresolved emotions or experiences we’ve gone through still manifest and dominate our frame of mind making us behave the way we do. the fact that you are cognizant of your character flaws is a positive sign and perhaps you’re not as “cold” as you perceive yourself to be. self awareness is half the battle. also, you don’t have to be one thing or another, you can be both “heartless” and sensitive.
Like Rotting said recognizing your characters flaws is a first step, now you have to slowly correct them, for example you can do something like focus on others and listen. Just an example may not refer to you.
I think the reason for your emptiness is because you learned to detached your yourself from people to protect yourself from hurt, but you can learn coping and socialization skills to attach to people again and fill the void in your heart.
Everything will be okay..I know how it feels to be a lifeless hollowed out shell and feel unloved by your S/O.. If they’re making you hurt that bad, the best thing you can do for yourself is leave.